Author Topic: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)  (Read 2132 times)

Metv

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2017, 11:14:07 PM »
I wouldn't even try to give advise on this but perhaps your time would be much more valuable looking elsewhere.

Metv

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2017, 11:16:27 PM »
Add to say not all men behave in such childish manners, there are very honest real men still around. After widowing life takes many unexpected turns. Big difference between a man and a boy.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2017, 06:33:40 AM by Metv »

Mrs Reader

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2017, 03:36:11 AM »
A month is a month, forget the guy. You want someone who is after you, not the other way around.
Don't waste you time even thinking about him, I would say.

Mizpah

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2017, 09:30:14 AM »
I'm going to say this on every single thread on which it's relevant:

It's not "touchy feely" to say that wanting to have sex, or wanting to have sex without a relationship, (or actually going ahead and having sex) does not mean you lack dignity or self-respect. 


I don't care how many times I have to say it.  I'm going to keep saying it.  I really don't understand the connection between private consensual physical enjoyment of yourself and another, a natural human urge, with morality or shame or self-esteem or self-respect.  To me, there is nothing shameful about sex.

(Chasing or throwing oneself at a person who is not interested is not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about sex without emotions/commitment/relationship.)

Edited, in response to a friend who will remain nameless calling me on this, to add: I realize that to some people, sex and shame ARE all tangled up, and I realize that to some people, "casual" sex is not "respectable."  I'm not saying I speak for anyone other than myself.  I personally cannot understand the shame.  I personally believe it shouldn't be.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2017, 11:04:38 AM by Mizpah »
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

jgib

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2017, 11:00:48 AM »
I truly think this is not about what is 'right' but right for each individual.  We are all different....upbringing, values, environment, genes.....all different.
I enjoy sex a great deal but for it to be really good for me I require an emotional connection as well.  This means I choose not to have one night stands or casual sex.  I like to know and connect with my partner and that takes a bit of time.  Like I say, that is what works for me personally and I get for others it is the opposite.
I think we get enough judgment through this whole process, we don't need it from each other here.

Metv

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #20 on: June 12, 2017, 11:41:16 AM »
 I wouldn't pursue someone who either doesn't regularly respond to advances (for lack of a better word), or who sees it as a game of conquest. Seems he is really not reading OP's message as sincere. Plenty of more mature people around, seems just to be that he wants to be chased, or simply wants a sext buddy.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2017, 12:52:34 PM by Metv »

MrsDan

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #21 on: June 12, 2017, 02:01:55 PM »
It's interesting to me that a lot of the opinions given on this thread, and similar ones operate from the assumption that sex purely for sex's sake is automatically cheap. I don't agree. Although it's not really my cup of tea, it's not a bad thing. Being cool with it, or wanting it, does not equate to a lack of self respect. That's just really simplistic reasoning.

Op, this guy just sounds like a tease. That's not a reflection on you, it's on him. I think you should forget about him. But don't let it tarnish your view of yourself.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

Metv

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #22 on: June 14, 2017, 09:12:54 AM »
Right now I wouldn't mind having a-n-y sex
I'm so forgiving, I'll even forgive myself in the morning : /

daysofelijah

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #23 on: June 14, 2017, 04:34:28 PM »
I had to start dating at about 2.5 years out (+ at least a year before that). And yes, the need for physical intimacy was basically the main reason. This coming from someone who had only ever been with my DH. So don't feel bad about that, I know how it is.

The guy you are talking to sounds like the wrong one though. I did Match and lucked out and met a good guy. Good luck with finding someone who can help you and also be there for you in the ways you need. Don't settle.
Amy, mom to four (14,13,9,5)

Bear Shannon

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #24 on: July 18, 2017, 05:55:21 PM »
He's a dumb ass. Boys are stupid. Maybe it's time to try men. So, you like older dudes?  8)  ::) 8)
« Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 06:01:50 PM by Bear Shannon »
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)

RyanAmysMom

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #25 on: July 18, 2017, 11:23:06 PM »
He's a dumb ass. Boys are stupid. Maybe it's time to try men. So, you like older dudes?  8)  ::) 8)

Oh, Bear!  You crack me up! 

But you're exactly right - he's a dumb ass - I asked him very directly what in the hell happened, and he admitted that he felt he was in over his head - I don't have time for games......

So.......  older dudes?  Depends on how old!  I'm a very young 45, and I'm convinced that men just don't mature past age 14....  even my LH never really did! 

Bear Shannon

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #26 on: July 19, 2017, 09:28:02 PM »
Quote
So.......  older dudes?  Depends on how old!  I'm a very young 45, and I'm convinced that men just don't mature past age 14....  even my LH never really did!

Kinda true. I just turned 61.  8)
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)

Missmybecky

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #27 on: July 21, 2017, 10:37:02 AM »
Girls are too!
I met a girl through mutual friends last fall, turns out we went to the same highschool but didn't know each other. I was seeing someone else at the time, that relationship ended in March. She is a single mom of 2 and we became friends, mostly because she is fun and likes to do the same things that I do. We started to do a lot of things together and talk and text daily. We get along great, make each other laugh, and are in a similar life situation. She started to get close and then almost as fast she started to pull away. When I tell her that I am interested in her she tells me that she wants to be friends, recently she told me that I was starting to make her uncomfortable, but she led me on pretty heavily. I have a strong feeling that she is looking for someone to "save" her and she keeps a lot of guys on the back burner. So it goes. What sucks is we have a lot common friends and they feel the need to reach out to me and tell me that her and I would make a cute couple.  >:(

Monique

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #28 on: July 21, 2017, 02:20:45 PM »
Missmybecky, are you sure she realized you were attracted to her? I've been guilty of doing that same thing to guys before when I suddenly realized they were interested in more than just friendship. It's not the nicest thing to do to someone, but sometimes I just panic.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." --The Princess Bride

RyanAmysMom

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Re: Boys are stupid........ (sorry)
« Reply #29 on: July 21, 2017, 07:49:45 PM »
MissmyBecky - I totally agree!  I'm not perfect either!  I admit to having toyed with boys when I was younger - just like what you're describing......  I just can't see doing it as a grown adult....  Sorry that's happening to you!