Author Topic: Insensitive neighbors  (Read 496 times)


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Insensitive neighbors
« on: June 21, 2017, 09:18:29 AM »
The other day, my MIL's neighbor brought over a sympathy card for her. Inside they included a picture of their 2 month old grandson. We did the normal thing and ooo'd and ahhh'd over the pic. But I walked off and sat in the kitchen crying. My MIL walked in and asked if I was okay. Obviously I told her no. I apologized to her. That it should be her passing out pics if her grandchild to her neighbors. My wife was 31 and I'm 34. We were actually talking about starting to have children.

The worst part is that she's the only child that my in-laws had. So they'll never have a grandchild. And it breaks my heart. Of course then the normal thoughts of "why couldn't it have been me? At least that way they could've still had a chance and grandchildren. Plus my parents already have 4 grandchildren of their own. The circumstances would've been better had it been me" so on and so forth.

I'm sure the neighbors didn't mean to be insensitive, but it's only been 21 days since my wife, my in-laws only child, have passed. The neighbors should've waited much longer to give her a picture of their grandchild


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Re: Insensitive neighbors
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2017, 09:52:05 AM »
It's so good of you to care about your MIL like this, and it SHOULD be her and you anticipating babies.  I'm so sorry that DW never got to be a mother.  This is one of the things, even 6+ years later, that still makes me angry: that DH (he was 28 and we were about to start a family) never got to be a father.  Just after he died, one of my co-workers brought me a framed photo of his baby daughter to put on my desk for a while, saying that he thought her cute face might cheer me up when I was sad.  I understood his motives, and he was good and kind and I know his heart was breaking for me, and so I didn't have the will to be like, "WTF?!  This is the worst thing ever!  Why would you think this could make me feel better?!  This is YOUR kid!  YOU get to be a father!  He doesn't!  Ever!  I'll never have his child!," etc., etc.  Most people are well-meaning, though some are more selfish and blind than others, and some are just a bit off in their efforts, though they are doing everything they can think of to be caring.  Another of my friends consistently showed me "funny" photos of her twin daughters to make me smile, though all I could think is, "He's dead, so all of our babies are dead."  This is why we call people DGIs.  They don't get it.  It's not their fault, and they mean no ill will, but they simply don't get it.  I'm thinking of you, and sending you thoughts of strength to face all the things that come. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)


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Re: Insensitive neighbors
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2017, 11:04:30 PM »
wow thinking of you too. I am 30 and was supposed to be starting a family now with my DH. Summer is making me sad I remember telling him how I didnt want to go to any warm climates for fear of Zika. I had just went to the Gyno the same one I have been going to for 12 years excited about telling her my plans of starting a family and 6 days later my DH passed away in the car accident. its crazy how life literally says F You, your dreams and your bright plans for the future. Its been 6 months and I am still in this dark storm. Trying to soldier on, one foot in front of the other. you are not alone. hugs