Author Topic: Nearing 12 Months  (Read 677 times)


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Nearing 12 Months
« on: June 22, 2017, 09:42:33 PM »
I admit I'm in a strange place. I'm still numb in a sense though emotions are starting to come back. But on the flip side I am beyond stressed (my hair is literally starting to fall out and I'm only 32!) due to financials and now my inlaws that, much to my self doubt, I reached out to in a panic. I want to believe in them but even when my husband was alive they were very distant, they were 'rich'. Living in a beautiful house in California, doctor and his physical fitness trainer wife(step mother of my husband). They are always going on trips to the Bahamas or Fiji or whereever they like.

I worry that because I contacted them, telling them what is happening with the mortgage (to be fair when I sent the message I was in a panicked state and have calmed down a bit) will they think I'm only after their money?

The first thing my husband's father asked him when he told him I was staying was 'Is she pregnant.'

Do they blame me for his death.

Do they think I'm just a gold digger.

I'm scared of that and scared of what they think of me and I'm doing everything in my power to keep my home but I want them to know what is happening but they are so distant now I am wondering...

Should I have even bothered? I haven't even seen them since the funeral and they barely talk to me and only if I send an email.

Ugh. I wish there was a way to wave my hands and just... rest.
Life goes on and so do I but damn it'd be nice for the world to stop for five minutes.


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Re: Nearing 12 Months
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2017, 12:39:34 AM »
I am so sorry you are going through this. The time leading up to the 1st year was absolutely awful for me. Financial stress was maddening. I hope they reach out. From what I've seen of in-laws in the last 8 years, I will say it is a strange but common phenomenon to lose the in-laws. I'll never understand it. I wish you all the best.
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡


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Re: Nearing 12 Months
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2017, 09:40:35 PM »
I think everyone situation is a little different but I can tell you that I hadn't see my mother in law since funeral as well. I only saw her and my brother-in-law's last week because one of my husband's uncles died. One that I was quite close to. I think the reality is if you didn't have a very close relationship with them while your husband was alive it's very unlikely that they will become closer to you now that he's passed away. I know the ones I spent the most time with and cared for still keep in touch with me but it's also hard for them to see me as I'm a painful reminder of the person that is gone. But I still keep in touch with those that truly care. Over time I've learned not to take it personally that my mother-in-law and brother-in-law's treat me kind of like angry high school girls and just throw me shade the handful of times I've actually seen them. It's hard because it's another loss but just try to surround yourself with the people that do love you and care about you and can help you through this journey. Sending you hugs. Kk