Author Topic: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family  (Read 594 times)

rooshy

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  • Widowed January 3, 2011
DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« on: June 27, 2017, 03:05:04 PM »
My oldest son is 15 years old today and I was able to spend some time with him this morning before he jetted off for his friends  :-\.  Soon, I'm gonna blink, and DS will be out of high school and on his own.  DS is thinking of enlisting with the Marines when he graduates high school.  He keeps asking me if I've heard anything from DH's family regarding his birthday and it breaks my heart to say 'no' because they haven't contacted me about it at all.  DH has been gone since January 2011 and my two sons are what's left of him, yet his family acts like we died with DH.  This is not surprising to me (DH's family is very self-centered) but it's still upsetting to my two sons. 

I think that if I'd ever remarry, I would be okay with my sons taking my new husband's name.  I really don't think that we have an obligation to them, anymore.

Has anyone else run into this situation?
Our end is where I begin

Eddienhp

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  • Cancer Widow November 2011
Re: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2017, 09:52:52 AM »
So sorry Rooshy. What a pity they don't want to be in the lives of those DH loved so much.  Some people suck.

Sending you hugs,
Eileen
My life is better because you were in it. You encouraged me to stretch my wings. I will forever be grateful. Rest in Peace Babe. Till we meet again.

Forgottenwife

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Re: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2017, 11:02:23 AM »
Sorry this is your experience Rooshy, I cannot understand it at all.

I have experienced something similar, but only with part of my husbands family. Your words, 'acts like we died with DH' really resonate with me. Some of my husbands relatives just stopped talking to and seeing my kids, no birthdays, holidays, graduations, even just normal condolences. I sent invites, emails, phone calls - nothing. I was hurt for my kids for a long time and I cannot imagine why anyone, especially adults, would do this. Kids lose their dad and then aunts and uncles and even grandparents intentionally add to the loss. My kids now have really strong relationships with the people that actually stuck it out with them. For the people that bailed, after so many years, they don't miss them at all.

My kids are bit older than yours (youngest is almost 20) but when we do discuss these types of things I tell them this: 'Let this experience guide you in deciding the man you want to be.' My kids are fiercely loyal to their friends and the people who matter to them. It sucks they had to have family that are so blatantly cruel, and I am sorry for your kids that they are seeing some of this too. Any 'family' who can bail on kids that lost their Dad? Self-centered is putting it mildly.

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2017, 05:52:23 AM »
So sorry this is happening to your boys Rooshi.  Great advice FW. The ones that stuck it out with them are indeed very special and are more family than the blood ties!

I too am at a loss as to why people are thoughtless and I'm just going to say it.... Stupid.
Hugs.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

rooshy

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  • Widowed January 3, 2011
Re: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2017, 05:13:21 PM »
Guess what?  MIL left a voice mail for me last night stating she hadn't forgotten about DS's birthday.  Well yes, she did, because she saw my post about it on Facebook and that was her reminder.  She stopped by and dropped off a check for him this afternoon, and DS was pretty nonchalant about it and only spoke to her for about a minute. 

But yet my two sons and I are supposed to be pleased as punch about this.

I am done with DH's family.
Our end is where I begin

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2017, 03:12:08 AM »
Well Roshy, if Grandma thinks throwing a late cheque at your son is going to be enough the joke is on her.  I don't blame you at all for being done with them.  As my old pa used to say "they made their bed now let them lay in it".  It all sucks.
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Christopher

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  • I came, I saw, I tried... I left.
Re: DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2017, 12:14:47 AM »
My late wife and I had a kiddo, he is 12 now. Only my broken, scattered and mostly insane family seems remotely interested in having anything to do with him.

My late wife often complained that her family didn't want her and they were sure to show it. Now they continue the vigil of not even being considerate.

I often forget they exist and that's just fine. We do ok on our own. I would love a new wife and loving family but I can make do with this broken and scattered one.

If they cared, they would show it. If you care, you show it.