Specific Situations > Young Widowed Parents

DS1 turns 15 today and nothing from DH's family

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My oldest son is 15 years old today and I was able to spend some time with him this morning before he jetted off for his friends  :-\.  Soon, I'm gonna blink, and DS will be out of high school and on his own.  DS is thinking of enlisting with the Marines when he graduates high school.  He keeps asking me if I've heard anything from DH's family regarding his birthday and it breaks my heart to say 'no' because they haven't contacted me about it at all.  DH has been gone since January 2011 and my two sons are what's left of him, yet his family acts like we died with DH.  This is not surprising to me (DH's family is very self-centered) but it's still upsetting to my two sons. 

I think that if I'd ever remarry, I would be okay with my sons taking my new husband's name.  I really don't think that we have an obligation to them, anymore.

Has anyone else run into this situation?

So sorry Rooshy. What a pity they don't want to be in the lives of those DH loved so much.  Some people suck.

Sending you hugs,

Sorry this is your experience Rooshy, I cannot understand it at all.

I have experienced something similar, but only with part of my husbands family. Your words, 'acts like we died with DH' really resonate with me. Some of my husbands relatives just stopped talking to and seeing my kids, no birthdays, holidays, graduations, even just normal condolences. I sent invites, emails, phone calls - nothing. I was hurt for my kids for a long time and I cannot imagine why anyone, especially adults, would do this. Kids lose their dad and then aunts and uncles and even grandparents intentionally add to the loss. My kids now have really strong relationships with the people that actually stuck it out with them. For the people that bailed, after so many years, they don't miss them at all.

My kids are bit older than yours (youngest is almost 20) but when we do discuss these types of things I tell them this: 'Let this experience guide you in deciding the man you want to be.' My kids are fiercely loyal to their friends and the people who matter to them. It sucks they had to have family that are so blatantly cruel, and I am sorry for your kids that they are seeing some of this too. Any 'family' who can bail on kids that lost their Dad? Self-centered is putting it mildly.

So sorry this is happening to your boys Rooshi.  Great advice FW. The ones that stuck it out with them are indeed very special and are more family than the blood ties!

I too am at a loss as to why people are thoughtless and I'm just going to say it.... Stupid.

Guess what?  MIL left a voice mail for me last night stating she hadn't forgotten about DS's birthday.  Well yes, she did, because she saw my post about it on Facebook and that was her reminder.  She stopped by and dropped off a check for him this afternoon, and DS was pretty nonchalant about it and only spoke to her for about a minute. 

But yet my two sons and I are supposed to be pleased as punch about this.

I am done with DH's family.


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