Author Topic: Do you go to church?  (Read 888 times)

RyanAmysMom

  • Member
  • Posts: 62
  • Seek joy.
Do you go to church?
« on: July 02, 2017, 11:35:23 PM »
Just curious whether folks here have a religious affiliation, and do you feel that it helps? 

Monique

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2017, 12:08:01 AM »
I'm Catholic. Sometimes it's really hard to keep going to church every week, but it's important to me to keep up with it.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." --The Princess Bride

Missing AC

  • Member
  • Posts: 24
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2017, 01:29:42 AM »
I consider myself a non-denominational Christian.  DH was not a believer.  We didn't do religion.  However, since his passing (7 months now), I've tried to get back in touch with my faith.  I've gone to church a few times but have found it difficult to be consistent about going. My teenage son refuses to go and I don't like going alone (or being a third wheel).  I know, it's church and it shouldn't matter, but still. So, I watch the service online.  I pray everyday and spend time reading passages some nights.  I feel I need something to hold on to, something to give me a bit of strength to make it through this hell.  It helps some, but I admit I bounce back and forth.

twistedmensa

  • Member
  • Posts: 224
  • Embracing the suck since 1968!
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2017, 05:20:47 AM »
Not if I want to avoid a lightning strike!  :o

tybec

  • Member
  • Posts: 261
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2017, 06:41:31 AM »
Yes.  I am a Christian.  My LH volunteered at  our church with the youth for 16yrs.  I come from a family of believers and seminary graduates. 

I have gone round and round with God with all this. But being a Christian doesn't mean you won't suffer, fail and do hypocritical things.  I am walking this earth like everyone else.

My faith has gotten me through.  I was surrounded with care and love and my son continues to be. There have been some sad things too, dealing with loss and my church family but overall more helpful. 

I do wish I would have considered not having the service In Our sanctuary.  It took yrs to go in there and not grieve.  But it made sense at the time and the youth needed it, too.  Our new youth area is dedicated to my husband's memory.


Portside

  • Member
  • Posts: 355
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2017, 07:01:02 AM »
Yes, I'm Catholic. It gave me, and continues to give me, great comfort and direction. My parish swooped in and helped in countless ways when my late wife died.

My wife was not a member of my parish but that didn't matter to the priests, sisters or parishioners even while she was alive. They helped her whenever she needed it - which was quite often.
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

daysofelijah

  • Member
  • Posts: 160
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2017, 08:12:40 AM »
Not much over the last couple years. DH was a big Christian, and when he was dx he was sure God was going to heal him and it would be a great miracle. So in turn I feel like that blinded him to the reality of the situation that yes, he was going to die, and it would happen soon. He did not help me in planning what I should do when he died, he left no notes, no videos, no nothing for the kids to have in the future. So I am angry about that.

The whole situation has left me with a bad feeling about church. Not that I don't believe anymore, but I'm not able to play the whole going to church game right now. If my kids want to go I will take them on Weds. nights in the fall, I know some of them enjoy going.

Our church was very helpful during his illness and afterwards. We moved away though and I don't feel any connection in the churches I tried around here.
Amy, mom to four (14,13,9,5)

Wheelerswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1067
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2017, 08:39:17 AM »
I'm not a believer, but was at an earlier part of my life.  I certainly appreciate that others have different belief systems and I think we each find something that helps us explain life, give us hope, and direct our actions.  What I find most challenging is that people in general expect that others believe in a supernatural being and they expect I will find comfort in their version of faith or something at least similar to what they believe.  But I don't.  To me, my husbands' deaths were not a part of any plan...they were simply a result of the eventual failure of their physical bodies as a result of genetic and environmental processes including aging.  The emotional fallout for me is unfortunate and challenging, but I believe that this is the only life I have, and it is up to me to figure out how I can make the best of it.  Since I hate being miserable, I am driven to do what I can to find satisfaction, love, and happiness.  It is all a process and I hope to maximize the amount of happiness I can attain in the time I have here on this planet.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

TooSoon

  • Guest
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2017, 09:14:30 AM »
My husband called himself an "omnitheist" and believed that god or the gods and goddesses were going to swoop in and make him the one miracle survivor of his form of terminal brain cancer.  The worse the illness got, the more he believed this.  It was torture to witness that but that is one of the gifts it seemed right to give to the dying.  Let him believe whatever gives him comfort so that's what I did. 

Anyway, I am also a non-believer.  For me, the objective is to live each day consciously with thoughtfulness and purpose, to be kind, empathetic and forgiving and to appreciate how fortunate I am.   For reasons I will never understand, people give me a lot of flack for being an atheist.  But for a lot of reasons that are unique to my life experiences, this is where I have landed. 
« Last Edit: July 03, 2017, 09:57:57 AM by TooSoon »

Jess

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 670
  • AKA Jezzy
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2017, 09:21:16 AM »
I am an agnostic so I pretty much know I do not know. I wish sometimes I could be sure there is God and heaven as it would bring me great comfort to know LH is happy instead of simply gone, but I have never been able to give myself over to faith. There are too many questions I have that no one can answer to my satisfaction, but I also cannot take the leap in the other direction to say billions of people that believe in God in whatever form are just plain wrong.

Lacking faith has had its upsides and downsides for me. For the upsides, I didn't have a struggle with faith to accompany my grief. I didn't have to ask myself why God would take such a good man nor did I have to try to understand his plan. For downsides, I didn't have community to help me and support me. I do not have the comfort of being sure there is an afterlife. I lacked the cornerstone of faith many have said grounded them. Many tried to comfort me with saying he is in a better place or other sorts of religious statements that brought me no comfort at all.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

mmg19

  • Member
  • Posts: 318
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2017, 04:27:16 PM »
I am a Christian and have been my entire life.  DH was of the same faith and my new husband is of the same faith.  My Church, faith, and beliefs have been a constant in the grief journey.  The pastoral counseling available through my church helped me so much. 


JeanGenie

  • Member
  • Posts: 225
  • Widowed 4-22-2013
    • Personal Blog
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2017, 06:58:53 AM »
I'm born and raised and an active Catholic. Although I have doubts about some of what the Catholic church teaches, it has kept me grounded. I am active in my church (committees, council, choir) even though I don't consider myself "religious" and I find people there that truly care for me and were there to support me during my husband's illness and passing. They were there at the funeral and, more importantly, welcomed me back afterwards. Before DH passed, I lived a charmed life and I thanked God regularly for the good in my life. Since DH passed, I have struggled more these past few years and find less comfort and peace in "church". If it wasn't for my commitment to the choir, I'm quite sure I would easily fall away from regular attendance. But I go...part of it due to the ingrained Catholic guilt, part of it because the comfort of familiarity, part of it because there are people there that truly ask "how are you doing" followed by a comforting hug, and part of it is to simply slow down for one hour a week. I do believe there is a Heaven and that when I pass, I will be reunited with my DH. If I'm wrong, well....I'll be dead so I won't know or care.
I miss how happy I was with you.

BrokenHeart2

  • Member
  • Posts: 956
  • Widowed 2013
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2017, 10:29:49 AM »
I am Catholic.  I wasn't a practicing Catholic before DH died.  I was too angry with God after for almost 3 yrs.  I had a shift in my anger with God and started back to mass.  Over the past year and a bit my faith has strengthened more that ever in my life.  I turn to God for guidance, strength, grace etc in handling situations I think are beyond me and it has helped tremendously. I am very thankful.  I have joined committees and have met many wonderful caring parishioners.
And like JeanGenie :) I too believe in heaven.....
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Sugarbell

  • Member
  • Posts: 763
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2017, 09:01:12 AM »
I'm born and raised and an active Catholic. Although I have doubts about some of what the Catholic church teaches, it has kept me grounded. I am active in my church (committees, council, choir) even though I don't consider myself "religious" and I find people there that truly care for me and were there to support me during my husband's illness and passing. They were there at the funeral and, more importantly, welcomed me back afterwards. Before DH passed, I lived a charmed life and I thanked God regularly for the good in my life. Since DH passed, I have struggled more these past few years and find less comfort and peace in "church". If it wasn't for my commitment to the choir, I'm quite sure I would easily fall away from regular attendance. But I go...part of it due to the ingrained Catholic guilt, part of it because the comfort of familiarity, part of it because there are people there that truly ask "how are you doing" followed by a comforting hug, and part of it is to simply slow down for one hour a week. I do believe there is a Heaven and that when I pass, I will be reunited with my DH. If I'm wrong, well....I'll be dead so I won't know or care.

This is me...except Methodist. The community of my old church and new church kept me grounded and helped my kids. Our church does great work in the community...and I try to help/volunteer.

However, spiritually I try..I really try..but feel very little in church. I believe in an afterlife, a higher power..but I don't believe one religion is right and one is wrong. I think it's much bigger than man made creates religion. I find myself incorporating Christianity, Buddhism and Wiccan into my life. I wish I could see things black and white like I used to. Actually it would simplify things. I try..but can't.

I live in a heavily Bible Belt area...I never disclose those beliefs publicly..my kids as being raised Christian..but they know I'm on the fridges of it.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Mizpah

  • Member
  • Posts: 738
Re: Do you go to church?
« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2017, 09:27:11 AM »
I don't believe in G-d but was raised Catholic and am Jewish by birth, and DH was Jewish and believed in G-d.  After he died, I began attending synagogue to say kaddish (the mourner's prayer) for him according to custom, and I went to synagogue every week for over two years (until I moved away and haven't really gotten connected to a new synagogue yet).  I can't even begin to explain the comfort the ritual and traditions and community and time/space for reflection and beauty and joy and sadness, all gave me.  It also gave me a place to go, and also a connection to something that mattered so much to him.  I worried that perhaps my lack of belief could be a barricade between me and that comfort, but it wasn't at all.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)