Specific Situations > Young Widowed Parents

For those who wanted more children

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still_lost:
I have one son who is now nine, but he was 18 months old when my husband died. I wanted to try for another child when my son was three, but I never got the chance. I'm grateful for my little boy everyday because without him, I wouldn't be alive. Those early days took a lot out of me, but my son was my reason for getting up and living. I have always wanted to have another baby, but at 36 and no hopes of a relationship or marriage, I find myself sad at the thought of not being able to have another one. I feel cheated on a few different levels. I've let go of my expectations, or hopes rather, of being married again, but the baby one is harder for me to shake. Have any of you felt like this?

Julester3:
The baby thing is hard to shake no matter the circumstance. I wanted more kids than the 2 we had. My husband was content with 2 kids and said he wasn't interested in any more. I tried to talk him into it, persuade him but he did not budge. I spent 3 years really down in the dumps over it. Now that we have lost him, it makes me sadder, I never got my little boy with his father's curly brown hair and mischievous grin in his image. I do love my girls and I am grateful for them. I sort of tell myself that Josh did me a favor and was much smarter leaving me with the number of kids I can actually handle on my own. There won't be any more kids for me because the dating thing never went down for me and now in my forties, I have female issues that all women in my family get. So it's only a matter of time when I need to get a hysterectomy. So the grieving of the kids we dreamed of can happen even before we lose our partners.

Portside:

--- Quote from: still_lost on July 05, 2017, 11:13:44 PM ---. . . . I have always wanted to have another baby, but at 36 and no hopes of a relationship or marriage, I find myself sad at the thought of not being able to have another one.


--- End quote ---

Of course I don't know how you feel but never say never. My brother and SIL had their last when she was 51. On purpose. No issues and a lovely child.

Best wishes - Mike

MrsDan:
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Mizpah:
I lost DH when I was 32, a couple months before he was to start a new job and we were to begin trying to start a family.  I think two was the plan.  But then years of my life disappeared into grief, and I hadn't wanted kids before him, so I just assumed it wasn't to be - I was ok with it, but was angry that the choice had been taken from me.  Now, years later, I have a 3-year-old, and no resources (financial, personal, real estate, etc.) to have another, and am getting on up there in terms of risk.  I feel sad for my kid that she won't have a full sibling (has a half, but doesn't live with us), and I feel sad that I didn't have the sort of pregnancy and early baby experience I had hoped to have/assumed most people have, and I love babies more than ever.  There are many reasons I'm ok with not having another, but also reasons it kinda breaks my heart.  Death steals.

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