Author Topic: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In  (Read 756 times)

CourtneyR

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It's been just about a month since my partner passed away suddenly from a heart attack. He was only 36 and had no prior health issues or symptoms.

While technically we weren't married, we lived together for  8 years and i found out only after his death he was planning on finally proposing this summer. That alone has been hard since some people in his family won't recognize me as his widow. By definition I guess I'm not but we shared a life together and we're planning a future together.

The loneliness is killing me now. I'm an only child and always thought I was okay being alone but this pain is like nothing I could ever imagine. Now that's it's been over a month people around me have gone back to their normal lives and aren't reaching out like they were two weeks ago. I knew this would happen but it doesn't make it suck less.  People at work look at me with sad eyes or just ignore me.

I know in my gut it will get better at some point and I will learn to live with this but it's so hard to see that now. I wish there was a way to fast forward through the pain.

Julester3

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Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2017, 03:34:01 PM »
Hugs to you and be kind to yourself. Man, it sucks to learn that because it's something else to grieve for: your hopes, your future and dream together. That loneliness feeling is sadly part of the processing and acceptance of death. I kept myself busy to get through it and I was fortunate to have our kids to really motivate me to pull out of the quiet, dark brooding that happens at the end of the day or the quiet of the morning.

I decided not to wait on friends to come to me but I went to them. Many of my friends are not the type to check on me - they know I need space and I will come to them when I am ready. I am also lucky that I can sort of tell who would be good to reach out to and who to back off of. I used FB to see how they are doing before I contacted them. I tended to choose people that give me a sense of calm so I spent a lot of time with my crafty friends and at first, my husband's friends. They just made me feel comfortable and not anxious - calm effect.

The learning part is so hard - it's trial and error and it's not the same for everyone. I think that's why this site is good for us - we can read and get ideas and share or vent. I do think we'd all like a fast forward through the hard stuff but in the end, that journey through it is was helps you grow and learn this new you.

Another hug and just breathe...

MR

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Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2017, 03:38:03 PM »
Hi CourtneyR,
Sorry to see you here. First few months are difficult and then we learned to deal with it so please take it easy on yourself. Don't try to think too much just try to pass one day at a time or an hour at a time. Eat well and drink lots of water. Take care of yourself else there is no one else who knows whats going on in your brain.

Hugs
Manoj

Abby78

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Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2017, 04:19:37 PM »
It's been 7 weeks since my husband passed away.  He was 41 and it was a sudden heart attack too.  The loneliness is hard and thinking about being lonely in the future is even harder.  I have faith that these strong feelings of grief and loneliness will get easier with time.  I can't imagine it feeling like this forever.
Today I'm going to group grief counciling.  Maybe you can give that a try. I'm thinking that talking with people that are going through the same thing will help calm the strong feeling of loneliness I have.  My sisters and inlaws try to help but I still can't get rid of this empty lonely feeling.    Wish I could've found a young widows group to meet near me but so far no luck.  I hope you find some peace soon. 

CLG

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Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2017, 02:22:29 PM »
CR, I'm very sorry for your loss. We all share that feeling of loneliness and although it may not help, you are not alone. There are way too many of us who are experiencing the same thing - laying in our beds, plopped on our couches, going through our days like a robot, feeling numb (at best) or crushed about nearly ever part of our lives now.

My husband, just 50, died two weeks ago from brain cancer. We were only married 9 months before he was diagnosed. He had a small family and we hardly knew each other so there isn't much support for me from there. You are your partner's widow in every way and I hope his friends and family can support you as such.

If you share where you live (in general) maybe others can suggest resources. My town (Madison, WI) does have a group for young widows and I'm attending my first meeting next week. If you can find a group near you, I'm sure they will be happy to take you under their wing.


Christopher

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  • I came, I saw, I tried... I left.
Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2017, 03:42:52 PM »
The loneliness goes away for some who find friends to be a good enough substitute.

For others it never goes away. We still have that need in our life.

See if friends and companionship will do it for you and don't forget to take care of yourself. I would have starved to death during the first months and been completely unaware it was happening if I didn't have a 5 year old boy asking for food regularly.

Helena

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Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2017, 03:15:01 PM »
My husband died two years ago in a heart attack, 36 years old. Totally unexpected and the first weeks and months were pure emotional turmoil. Two years out I can tell you it will get better. Eat, drink and cry (and scream if you feel like it) -that is my advice right now. Hugs from Sweden.

Ginger1210

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Re: A Month Since He's Been Gone and the Loneliness Is Setting In
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2017, 09:31:07 PM »
Hugs to you Courtney. It has been five months for me and the loneliness is still unbearable. Like you I am an only child, I am not sure what your experience of that was but I was always so independent before meeting my man. I never had a problem being alone and it is disorienting for me now to feel so lonely and constantly afraid to be without him. We were together for over four years and did nearly everything together. I am having such a hard time now doing things on my own. Work is the only part of my day that feels "normal" because I am used to him not being at work with me, it's the only part of my routine that has stayed the same without him.

I am not technically a widow either, we were engaged when he was diagnosed with cancer and realized very quickly that we were better off financially if we didn't get legally married so we were never able to make it official. Some people in our families don't choose to recognize me as his widow but it makes those who have been supportive all the more important to me.