Author Topic: The house and WTF  (Read 1691 times)


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Re: The house and WTF
« Reply #15 on: July 19, 2017, 09:47:14 AM »
An apology to any of you that work at this type of work I am the thorn in your side type of client(but I'm never angry or belligerent, just a little pouty and sarcastic)

No apology needed, klim, and I sometimes enjoy jousting with difficult clients - especially if they are non-belligerent :)  Of course, had I been your lender I would have told you politely but firmly that we could not have refinanced your loan until you had the deed put into just your name.  The reason has nothing to do with not thinking you can make the payments on your own, but rather that a deceased person cannot consent to a mortgage.

Of course laws could be different where you live, but it wouldn't have been possible in at least one of the 50 states.
'I think I got some of your pickle'


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  • I came, I saw, I tried... I left.
Re: The house and WTF
« Reply #16 on: August 18, 2017, 12:29:17 AM »
Nothing about this is easy. Not even one tiny part of it.

All of it feels like a millstone hung around your heart.

All of it hurts. All of it drains you.

Even 7 years in, some days I just can't any of it. Not even a little bit. I am not good alone.

Congrats on getting that done. I'm sure you had to spend a few months mustering up the strength to do it. I know I did.


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Re: The house and WTF
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2017, 10:55:28 AM »
Not sure where we (I) go from here... :(
The house was never in my name but we bought it together. NJ does not recognize common law marriage and we were together almost 20 years. I'm sure the family (her family) will have no issue allowing me to stay / keep the house. In a strange way, I feel as if I should still let her family retain some control eventhough no one takes care of the pets, or property except for me.
Is it weird for me to feel this way?


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  • Widowed 2013
Re: The house and WTF
« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2017, 12:24:59 PM »
Drafter, I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.  My DH to died of lung cancer.
I don't understand why you think her family should be able to have some control over the house you and your wife purchased together and lived for 20 yrs.  Just because your state law doesn't recognize common law I hope your wife's family do the right thing by you and turn all of it over to you.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: The house and WTF
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2017, 06:19:41 PM »
My late husband bought our house 2 years before we met  Strangely we never thought of changing anything after we married.  So here we are married 22 years and still the house was only in his name.  Somehow I talked him into getting the house in my name too 2 months before he passed.  I live in a community property state and needless to say I found out AFTER he passed that in some situations it does not mean anything.  We kept our checking accounts separate in the event of death.  However, after he passed I went to close out his checking account and was told at the bank that I have to be a beneficiary NOT a co-signer on his accounts.  I told the manager I was his wife.  I even had a certified death certificate.  Didn't make any difference.  Anyway, afterwards I went to my bank and had all of my accounts listed with my daughter's name.  In the event of my passing she could come in with a certified death certificate and her driver's license and close out the accounts.  For the situation with my husband's bank I had problems with this bank at one time and pulled my accounts out of there because of the problems I had with them. 

Anyway, after 10 years of living in this house with the memories - both good and bad I've decided I no longer wish to live here.  But something is holding me here.  I have since met a great man after 6+ years of widowhood.  He has since moved in with me.  He retired and he is waiting for me to retire.  We want to sell our places, buy a truck and tow an RV and see the glorious country we live in.  BTW I got lucky the 2nd time around.  The new guy of 4 years is widowed and gets it. 

I now educate my non-widowed friends of the problems I've endured.  I am hoping they adhere to my
advice.  Married or not. 


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Re: The house and WTF
« Reply #20 on: September 17, 2017, 09:32:19 AM »
That damn paperwork is so irritating....having to present the death certificate as well as probate papers to prove I am the sole beneficiary.  Some people I deal with are very kind and accommodating; others, I just want to throttle. 

The estate account has been closed for over two years now, but once in awhile I still get some sort of check make out to D from a closed investment or whatever. One banker at Wells Fargo knows me and is very accommodating. She just deposits it for me. But last time I dealt with an older, curmudgeonly  guy  who put up every roadblock he could. He wouldn't even look at the death certificate and court papers.

Oh,  no, he said, it was absolutely against regulations to deposit this check. I needed an estate account. (Well, duh, buddy. ) I explained the estate account had been at another bank and was closed two years ago. Well, then, I needed to call the company that issued the check and send them all the court papers and blah.... blah...blah....

We are talking a 25.00 check. I persisted  and he finally consulted another banker who looked up my account. Immediately they saw what sort of "relationship" (as they termed it) I had with the bank and all of a sudden the old fart became the kindest, most accommodating banker ever. He went on at length about how he is so experienced at helping widows  like me and if there is ever anything he can do to help me with my banking needs to ask for him personally.

Just blech.

I feel very fortunate my attorney took care of the vast majority of the paperwork dealing with the house deed and all other joint property we had. He was a step ahead through everything as estate work is his speciality. 

It is just one more overwhelming thing to deal with in the throes of grief.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2017, 10:52:29 AM by kjs1989 »