Author Topic: My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready.  (Read 204 times)

sweetdad03

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My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready. Any advice?

I have been on many dating sites but I met found my current girlfriend through a site called loveme. I’ve been through multiple online relationships in the past. I’m retired and because of online dating, I’ve been able to find romance ever since my late wife passed away.

After my retirement and mourning for my late beloved, I have solely been focusing on my son who is about 7 years old now. He misses a mother figure in his life which led to making the decision to allow myself back into the dating scene.

After a few relationships that didn’t work out both in person and online, I’ve finally found this amazing woman who has honestly been the light of our lives. Seems like things are finally turning around because of this woman.

We’ve been in an online relationship for almost half a year now and thinking about seeing each other in person. I don’t mind setting up a date with her. The thing that bothers me is the fact that my kid wants to meet her, too. I’m not too keen on seeing her yet because that would mean that my relationship with my gf would take to the next level.

I’m scared that my son might get attached to her. If it doesn’t work out between the both of us, he might be devastated. I love her and how things are going but I’m so torn between all this. I don’t really know how to handle this.

What do you guys think I should do? I need some suggestions or advice before booking any tickets. Should I meet her alone? Should I bring my son? Or should I just move all these plans to a later time when I feel ready? But the thing is, I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready. I’m so confused! Help!

Wheelerswife

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Re: My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready.
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2017, 05:10:19 AM »
Hello and welcome to our site. 

I’m going to preface this response by acknowledging that I don’t have children and I’m certainly not an expert on raising them or integrating them into a new relationship.

However, I did have a long distance relationship with my second husband and I did meet him online. We fell in love quickly and before we met in person. I also know several other couples who met online and had long distance relationships and had developed strong feelings for each other before meeting.

I honestly think that your first meeting should be without your child. My first meeting was quite intense and there were many things to adjust to even in that meeting. You need to be able to focus on each other without the distraction of your child. I think it is important to establish your face-to-face relationship and to be fairly certain that your connection has a very good possibility of being successful before introducing your child into the picture.

Not every relationship that starts out positively makes it to commitment. If your son gets his hopes up and the relationship does not survive, he has the potential to be hurt again.

So...think about meeting this woman and seeing what the chemistry is like in person. You may have many reasons for not meeting after an extended online relationship, but if you are thinking about going to the next level, I believe it is best that you leave your son with trusted friends or family and meet your girlfriend by yourself.

Best wishes,

Maureen
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Portside

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Re: My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready.
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2017, 06:22:00 AM »

We’ve been in an online relationship for almost half a year now and thinking about seeing each other in person. I don’t mind setting up a date with her. The thing that bothers me is the fact that my kid wants to meet her, too. I’m not too keen on seeing her yet because that would mean that my relationship with my gf would take to the next level.


Absolutely not.

In my view, since you only have an online experience with this woman, and no face to face relationship, YOU don't yet have a fully informed idea or sense of the complete person. It is way too soon to involve your son for all the reasons you list.

I get it - my sons also longed for a mother figure after their Mom died but that is no reason to rush things along.

Yes, go ahead and meet her alone, a few times even. You always have time to have her meet your son later after you decide if your GF and you hit it off in real life. But, if you have them meet now, that bell can't be unrung if things go bad.

I dated a number of women in person and the only one my sons ever met was my now wife. Your son has a different view and needs than you do - there really are two stages of a proper courtship for you at this stage;

1) Is she right for you? You honestly don't know that yet although indications are good. You'll know more after a number of physical meets.

If she passes this test then -

2) Is she right for your family (son)? She may be great for you but not for your son. If she isn't, you'll break it off if you are smart.

It could be she fails #2 for any number of reasons. I met plenty of women that, for one reason or another, were not a great match for my boys. We had to untangle ourselves from each other. Yes, it was sad for all involved but still the right thing to do.

My opinion is you need to slow down a bit and let things play out as time goes on.

For both your sake and you son's.

Good luck - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

Trying

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Re: My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready.
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2017, 06:36:58 AM »
I agree that it's way too premature to involve your son.  The fact that you are not sure if you are even ready to meet her yet speaks volumes. 

It is so difficult to experience the grief of our children and to not be able to take the pain away from them. You owe it to yourself, your son, and this woman to not rush things just because you want to give him a mother figure.  Let things unfold between the two of you and see where it goes.

Best of luck to you.

You will forever be my always.

Julester3

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Re: My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready.
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2017, 11:23:46 AM »
I have not had a relationship successful enough to have the guy meet my kids and it's for the best for all the reasons already stated. Hold off and be sure! Good luck!

klim

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Re: My kid wants to visit my online girlfriend but I don't think I'm ready.
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2017, 02:58:12 PM »
Loveme's like a mailorder bride site isn't it?
I would be very skeptical.