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Navigating the waters of new relationships when SO has limited child time

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I understand the putting significant other in a holding pattern when you are dealing with your children. I quite often do it and my boys are older. My younger one is depressed an he is the one that will have me put NG on the back burner while I deal with him.  I try and balance things and hope that is good enough.

Since my sons are older, whoever I am with will not be coparenting them.  I never picture a true blending situation. I see NG's role as supporting me as I parent them.

I do not know the age of the children involved in your case but if they are younger I would think you would change the expectation and the younger they are the more I would expect to be included.

I can't believe I am writing this.  I am flabbergasted!  Signed on my new home!  Stayed with NG the night as I had to go get my kid from church camp, just north of this new city.  WE had a great night of discussing the future possibilities.  He helped me clean up my new kitchen. He is storing things at his garage until moving day which is Wed. His sons are in the school district of my home, so he is closer to them now.  It is out in the county.  Opposite side of town from his work, so about 30 minutes maybe.

He bought a house around the corner from the school where his children attend. Their mother got a new teaching job, and thus, they ended up way out in the county, and he was so aggravated.  He could have them walk to school from his house, so, a better chance of 50/50 parent sharing.

He text me this afternoon his ex called, and she got a job at the school board, next to the school by his house. So the children will now return there.   It is what he wanted, why he bought the house he lives in.  The kids are asking for more time with him now as they are older.  Moving to the home and area where I live is opposing this. 

I can't believe this.  Asked him if he was staying now, and he said, "yes, if it means more time with my children."  I specifically looked for a house to accommodate a family of our blended size.  I asked him more than once he was certain of our future, his choice, as I didn't need a house this size. 

I didn't move just for him, but made plans for our future.  I feel such a fool.  I have to support him in his pursuing his time with his children, the reason he left his career, moved to this state to begin with, to be with his kids.  But OH MY GOSH!  The timing of this! 

I just have to regroup and focus on my needs, my son, taking care of my mother as the reason to move.  And if I can be truly be placed in the back row now, will I choose to accept it or change goals?   How could this have occurred on the day after I close? GEEZ! 

And I don't have a ring, not the level of commitment, so I do feel foolish. 

This is hard.

Omg Tybec. What crappy timing! I'd be pretty pissed off in your position that this happened and just after you literally closed. I think you do need to regroup and focus. I too sort of feel he's not as committed now that this happened. He totally changed his tune as soon as his ex made changes - what happened to blending and compromise? There was no opportunity made for it after this transpired. Hugs!

Crappy timing indeed!  Sounds like he's torn between what he believes is the right thing to do and the future plans that you've discussed and agreed upon.  What you've described of him regarding his upbringing makes me think that he's hard driven to be the best possible Dad, over and above all else.  Time to have a good & hard conversation with him about it all.  Big hugs ~

tybec: {{{hugs}}} this is the best I can offer at such a time. Regroup for sure, for yourself, your children. Much love to you hun.


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