Author Topic: 10 years today  (Read 572 times)


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10 years today
« on: July 19, 2017, 08:51:09 PM »
Generally I have a let's-get-on-with-it, moving forward type of mindset about this, but alas, today has not been one of those days. I've basically just sat with this loss for much of the day. 103 degree temps didn't help much, or gave me the excuse to just lie low. Just remembering my gorgeous, kind, smart, funny husband who just wanted good things in the world. Just giving in to the challenges of single handedly raising a young family.

I don't really expect many people to remember this date, but had a message from my mom, who was widowed while I was in high school; she wrote: "remember the love, always" and a phone call from my MIL, who has this date emblazoned in her mind. She was a little weepy, which in turn made me a little weepy. Will this day have the same impact in another 10 years? In 20? I am guessing so, but of course there is that old chestnut about the healing power of time, right? Right.

There's a memorial bench in a park a couple of hundred miles away. Not really in the cards to visit today, and not sure if it would even offer any comfort if we did so. What I did do in the way of ritual was put a blooming orchid next to Jeff's picture and drink a Red Tail Ale. His favorite. And I don't really even like beer all that much :)
"I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons, I'm keeping flowers in full bloom" - REM


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Re: 10 years today
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2017, 09:17:05 PM »
Hugs to you, Calimom.

I think sometimes we just need to respect these days for what they are:  a day that is sad because of the loss of someone who was a part of our being;  a day that marks the moment in which our lives as we knew them were changed dramatically; a day for remembering.

Soon, I will reach 8 years since the loss of my first husband. That loss is fortunately softer than the loss of my second loss 3 1/2 years ago.

Hugs to you.

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


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Re: 10 years today
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2017, 09:19:21 PM »
Sometimes you just need to sit with it.
Hugs to you Calimom.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: 10 years today
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2017, 08:52:53 PM »
I have learned that some "year dates" are smoother than others. 10 years in a few months for me..and something about a "decade" takes me back. It's amazing how much our lives have changed-but sometimes that "day" takes me back years..even for a brief moment.

B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Bear Tomás

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Re: 10 years today
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2017, 12:42:25 PM »
(((bear hugs)))

I still get bummed around the sad anniversary too.  :(
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)