Time Frame > Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months)

This Time Frame Gets Quiet

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I'm at 15 months. I've found myself thinking about him more lately and have been a bit more emotional than normal. I think the time of year gets hard though with the holidays. Plus I've found out that colder months I tend to get less sleep. He always did so much during the winter - stock piling wood, working with the wood burner, etc...it gets tiring.
I still think, is this it? I'm always going to have this sadnesses during this life. Like there is just this lingering shadow over me I am never going to shake.

I'm at 4 years now, but I remember hitting the absolute lowest point at about 6-8 months. I partied like crazy every weekend and at times in between too (student life..). I have almost no memories of that time - some hazy flashes that almost all have something to do with partying and pretending to be ok. Definitely not proud of that period of time.

Jennica, I've said this before, but I bought into this insane notion that if I could just make it to 6 months, then everything would magically and miraculously be ok again.  Like the grief switch would get turned off.  This must have been some sort of coping mechanism initially but what it set up was a spectacular crash.  I took my daughter to Paris for 2 weeks with friends right around 6 months.  I was not ok but I was functioning.  But I will never, ever forget the moment we walked back into this empty house and I was standing on our porch thinking, "Holy shit.  This is it.  I am actually going to have to do this."  And then the crash and it was not pretty.  Our culture - and many of my then friends here in suburbia and my parents - all thought there was an expiration date on grieving.  Six months and shazzam!  Its all over now!  I definitely proved them wrong on that one.  It took me another eight months or so to pull myself together.  By 18 months, I was starting -  starting - to see a light at the end of the tunnel, starting to sort some of it out.   Be kind to yourself.  I expected and demanded way too much of myself and in the end paid for it dearly.  You're going to find your way. 


Creeping up on the 1 year mark... Still struggling horribly. My mom is my main support. Everyone else faded away very soon after losing my husband and father of my kids. It's been just me for about 11 months now, and of course my mother. Still not sure how I'm still standing. Our first baby together was only 10 weeks when it happened, now he's just over a year. Haven't been able to go back to work. Basically just surviving each day still. People's inconsiderate comments make me angry, they assume I should be back to "normal" by now. I cry every day, some days all day. I feel dead inside, only here thanks to my kids. Wish I could leave a more uplifting response but unfortunately this is where I'm at. Just hoping one day it gets better. ❤ To all ❤

Mishka, keep going, one day or on minute at a time.  Hang in there and it will get better.  Everyone's timeframe is different and for me it took a while.  At nearly 5 yrs (May 30) I still have my moments but nothing near like the early days. I was like you at yr 1 so don't give up hope.  I too had those inconsiderate comments from DGI's, how would they know what it's like until they walk a mile in your shoes. Stay true to yourself and you'll get there.
Hugs to you


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