Author Topic: This Time Frame Gets Quiet  (Read 2807 times)


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Re: This Time Frame Gets Quiet
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2017, 01:30:52 AM »
I'm at 15 months. I've found myself thinking about him more lately and have been a bit more emotional than normal. I think the time of year gets hard though with the holidays. Plus I've found out that colder months I tend to get less sleep. He always did so much during the winter - stock piling wood, working with the wood burner, gets tiring.
I still think, is this it? I'm always going to have this sadnesses during this life. Like there is just this lingering shadow over me I am never going to shake.


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Re: This Time Frame Gets Quiet
« Reply #16 on: November 21, 2017, 06:46:58 PM »
I'm at 4 years now, but I remember hitting the absolute lowest point at about 6-8 months. I partied like crazy every weekend and at times in between too (student life..). I have almost no memories of that time - some hazy flashes that almost all have something to do with partying and pretending to be ok. Definitely not proud of that period of time.
8th Oct 1992 - 27th July 2013 (accident)

How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back. - J.R.R. Tolkien


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Re: This Time Frame Gets Quiet
« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2017, 01:39:52 PM »
Jennica, I've said this before, but I bought into this insane notion that if I could just make it to 6 months, then everything would magically and miraculously be ok again.  Like the grief switch would get turned off.  This must have been some sort of coping mechanism initially but what it set up was a spectacular crash.  I took my daughter to Paris for 2 weeks with friends right around 6 months.  I was not ok but I was functioning.  But I will never, ever forget the moment we walked back into this empty house and I was standing on our porch thinking, "Holy shit.  This is it.  I am actually going to have to do this."  And then the crash and it was not pretty.  Our culture - and many of my then friends here in suburbia and my parents - all thought there was an expiration date on grieving.  Six months and shazzam!  Its all over now!  I definitely proved them wrong on that one.  It took me another eight months or so to pull myself together.  By 18 months, I was starting -  starting - to see a light at the end of the tunnel, starting to sort some of it out.   Be kind to yourself.  I expected and demanded way too much of myself and in the end paid for it dearly.  You're going to find your way. 

« Last Edit: November 24, 2017, 01:41:33 PM by Toosoon2.0 »


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Re: This Time Frame Gets Quiet
« Reply #18 on: January 26, 2018, 10:35:27 PM »
Creeping up on the 1 year mark... Still struggling horribly. My mom is my main support. Everyone else faded away very soon after losing my husband and father of my kids. It's been just me for about 11 months now, and of course my mother. Still not sure how I'm still standing. Our first baby together was only 10 weeks when it happened, now he's just over a year. Haven't been able to go back to work. Basically just surviving each day still. People's inconsiderate comments make me angry, they assume I should be back to "normal" by now. I cry every day, some days all day. I feel dead inside, only here thanks to my kids. Wish I could leave a more uplifting response but unfortunately this is where I'm at. Just hoping one day it gets better. ❤ To all ❤


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Re: This Time Frame Gets Quiet
« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2018, 02:12:07 AM »
Mishka, keep going, one day or on minute at a time.  Hang in there and it will get better.  Everyone's timeframe is different and for me it took a while.  At nearly 5 yrs (May 30) I still have my moments but nothing near like the early days. I was like you at yr 1 so don't give up hope.  I too had those inconsiderate comments from DGI's, how would they know what it's like until they walk a mile in your shoes. Stay true to yourself and you'll get there.
Hugs to you
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: This Time Frame Gets Quiet
« Reply #20 on: March 13, 2018, 06:40:29 PM »
Mishka, hugs to you. So many hugs.

Im at almost 22 m8nths and it has gotten softer. Took over a year. Still wanted to drive off a cliff at 1 year. Still have bad times every single day but overall it's gotten softer. Gradually it finally will. Till then, one moment at. A time

More hugs
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...