Author Topic: Birthdays  (Read 526 times)


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« on: August 02, 2017, 10:10:00 PM »
Today would have been my husband's 64th birthday.  I mostly tried not to think about it, but this evening the girls and I each had a cupcake and toasted my husband.

Do you celebrate, or ignore things like holidays and birthdays?  For Father's Day we didn't do anything.  It was just too hard.


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2017, 11:24:42 PM »
So sorry.......  And we skipped Father's day, too....

On my husbands birthday, he insisted on a New York Cheesecake and he gave gifts to his children - so now that's our tradition without him - I get a cheesecake and I buy gifts for the kids.  And we talk about daddy on his birthday.  It sucks.  Completely.  But it's better than pretending it's not an important day.


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2017, 11:30:40 PM »
Every few years like this year, my husband's birthday falls on Mother's Day. My kids like to celebrate it. I make his favorite foods he always requested that I make. The only thing we do differently is pick a dessert he liked but not his top favorites like German chocolate cake or lemon bars. Makes us sad. We do ice cream or cheesecake. Then we play video games in his honor or watch Star Wars.

We do holidays still but we are modifying our past customs to make it easier on us. It has been working for us.


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2017, 08:46:48 AM »
My husband's birthday was on Valentine's Day.  We always celebrated his birthday instead of Valentine's Day.  Now, the kids and I will celebrate Valentine's Day with each other (as long as they want to with their mom) and remember their dad. This year (our first without him), I gathered at his grave site with his parents and sisters for remembrance, laughs and doughnuts (inside joke).  I hope this continues.


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2017, 09:01:00 AM »
For Father's Day, his birthday, Valentine's, and our anniversary, I buy a vase of flowers for the house to mark the days. I tried to do special meals in the beginning , but it seemed to make the days harder. Now, the days are still acknowleged, but in a quiet way.

Peace to you on you LH's birthday.


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2017, 09:17:44 AM »
I remarried a widower. On our late spouses birthdays we tell each other that this is the (insert correct number) birthday. Same with anniversaries. And other significant dates such as on July 28th it had been 42 years since the day I met John. No cake, no celebration, very rarely, these days, tears. But it is so nice knowing how my husband feels and it is nice knowing that he knows how I feel.

Grief and all of its components.
A chance to feel something grand again.
Thankful feelings for allowing this to take hold and going for it.
Comfort in each other and happiness with our lives.

This feels circular BTW.



Captains wife

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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2017, 12:50:32 PM »
The only day I do something is on our "sadiversary" - the day my husband was killed in a boating accident. I take time with my son that day to send him a "message in a bottle" and sit on his memorial bench. I also take a little time to myself that day to think about him, reflect but also do something nice for myself. We don't tend to celebrate my LH's birthday - although I am aware of the day - yet my son (6 years old) saw on FB that it was his birthday this year and mentioned it so we both looked up into the sky (heaven) and sang happy birthday to him. That was very tearful but my son wanted to do it so I joined in. We avoid Fathers Day like the plague....


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2017, 01:30:32 PM »
On Catherine's birthday, our wedding anniversary and our "sadiversary", I meet my mother-in-law for lunch or dinner. I make a point of eating at least one of Catherine's favorite things to eat and joke about the foods she hated. I always visit her grave before going anywhere else.

|+|  M a r k  |+|


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2017, 06:14:38 PM »
This year we went to a sandbar on the river and let some balloons go. The kids all tied a note or memento to theirs. 7 days later is the sadiversary, I never mention it to the kids but it's a rough day. All other holidays I just go through some semblance of the motions. I wish I could take em off the calendar.
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours


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Re: Birthdays
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2017, 07:28:59 PM »
I always take off on his bday..... my first year, a dear old friend suggested I do something special for myself, and make it a tradition. So, I usually spend the day, shopping, maybe visiting the local casino. Then I come home, make a nice dinner with some of his favorites and have a few friends over. At dusk, we send up some Chinese lanterns. (Thank you widdas gone wild 😊)

Our anniversary, sadaversary, these days although remembered (6yrs July first), are usually spent with a few tears in the morning, then I pull up my big girl panties and face the day.

I still have more trouble with the lead up to these days, than the actual day.
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)