Specific Situations > Young Widowed Parents

Played the wid card, didn't feel right

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Adley:
Rather it played itself. We made it to New Mexico and everything has been going surprisingly smooth compared to the last 4+ years. New apartment, kids enrolled in school, and did a tour of the daycare across the street yesterday and got applications. I picked these apartments because the school and daycare are right across the street and couldn't believe how lucky I was. I went back to the daycare with the applications this morning and it spoke with a different lady (this is a large facility and actually much more than a daycare) and our spots were already filled. The dread that washed over me was indescribable. A week left till the job and school start, long way from home, the responsibility of children, all the other daycares are booked, I was in internal freak out mode. The lady was maybe twenty. She must've seen it on my face, because when I barely mumbled "Please. Please. My wife is dead and we're a thousand miles from home and y'all're all I got", she took off to an adjacent office. By the time they called me in there (the kids were looking at a fish aquarium) she, I, and two other ladies were crying. I'm pretty sure I don't look like the kind of guy who folks expect to cry, and a few years ago, they would've been right.
    They all gave me a hug and told me how it wasn't just a daycare, they're their because they love children. And they're gonna break their own rules. I feel such gratitude and may God bless them forever. We all talked and I thanked them several times and left so thankful. Walking out and mentally reviewing events, guilt set in. I'd never done that before. Of course widowhood has come up a number of times with strangers, with all the expected and unexpected comments. But I never used it to get something I wouldn't normally get. It just popped out. I didn't do it on purpose and I don't think there was really anything wrong with it since it came from such a sense of desperation. It just doesn't feel right. At all. But I don't know what else I could have done. Anybody have similar experiences?

sojourner:
I don't think you "played" anything- the rug came out from under you, and the bottom line came out of your mouth, unbidden. I haven't had that happen in regard to widowhood exactly, but it's definitely happened to me before in one circumstance or another. Sometimes the truth just comes blurting out unintended, and that throws a person!

I think it was for the best in your situation even if it left you feeling out of whack; glad the childcare got lined up!

Trying:
I can't even imagine the panic you felt when you thought all of your careful planning was falling apart!  Don't feel guilty, you reacted like a human and they responded like humans.  So glad it worked out and good luck with this new adventure!

Julester3:
I don't see anything wrong. You are being honest. I don't feel you played anything either - it was just an honest reaction to potentially not getting your plans aligned. I am glad that they will accommodate you! It means they are truly good people then.

jgib:
You are over sensitive because of what you have been through.  It is all good.  I am glad you came in contact  with compassionate people.  Win, win.
It is not like you pulled the " Do you know who I am" card.  You needed help and people came through.  Be grateful you ran into good folk and enjoy your new life!

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