Author Topic: It's been a while, hasn't it  (Read 571 times)

smabify

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
  • Widowed May 11, 2012
It's been a while, hasn't it
« on: August 14, 2017, 10:45:39 PM »
So. Here I am again.
Five years, three months, 3 days ago, my love died, resting in my arms. I didn't loose him; he's not a pen I errantly tossed in a strange corner, never to be found again. He died.

I've been absent from this place for a while now. Many of us have, I think. Once in a while I read. Those who walked before me, of those who followed after. All our stories. So very different, and yet so many similar elements. All of us so different, all of us coming to seek some sort of connection, searching for the people who truly understand the terrible path we now walk alone.

I think back to the first months when I found the YWBB forum. Those were the times when I was yelling out into a deep void. When I finally found that page, it felt like someone heard me and could yell back, for the first time in months.

My greatest find was definitely the chat room. Wonderful people, ready to lend a listening ear, immediate response to any question or emotion you were carrying on that particular day.

My virtual friends. Seasoned veterans, such as Donna, Maureen, Karen, and dear sweet Leslie. A Scottish army man, who voluntarily leapt out of airplanes. He found love, and we in the room witnessed (and vetted!) many of the moments. Jo and Kirby, who found each other over time. Rob who brought the music (and the sarcasm!) Mark with his cars, Lynn with her stripper pole, Sarah tossed pillows and Shiela even threw a goat a few times.

I cannot say enough about these people. They were there to talk me off a ledge. They were with me when my oldest daughter almost died in the hospital. They were witness when my second was pronounced cancer feee.

We were the wid army. Music trivia, drinking nights, iPod shuffle, encouraging new romances, rejoicing over milestones and upholding through rough patches - we did it all together.

Slowly, we have drifted apart. Some have moved on. New romances, new routines, actual people as friends, a whole host of different reasons. And yet, if we were to 'meet' again, I suspect it would be just the same. Helping one another. Reaching out. Being silly to forget about life for a while, and then turning on a dime to offer complete and utter support to the one who was falling.

I met my best friend in this group. A woman who is my umbrella when it rains over me, who shares her heart with no strings. We have never met in person (obviously the world would implode if we did), but we are connected. It is wonderful to have someone understand your situation so well. I cherish her friendship, and her unrelenting quest to make sure I and my minis are doing ok.

So to all you new folk out there, I say don't give up. Use these boards. Vent, celebrate, connect. Use the amazing chat room. Tell people that you are going on it! Join the Facebook group if you like - sometimes that's an even better way to connect (it has notifications). Or if you are not a hermit like me, meet with actual real people.

My point is connect. Not all the time, though that goes in cycles too, but whenever you need to. Make yourself an army. Join a wid gang. Find people who get it, who will support you no matter what. And be sure to do the same for them. We all need it!

/steps off soapbox and ambles into the distance
« Last Edit: August 14, 2017, 11:24:10 PM by smabify »
Life's tough.  Get a helmet

Needytoo

  • Member
  • Posts: 402
Re: It's been a while, hasn't it
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2017, 05:50:42 AM »
Beautiful, thank you.

SunshineFL

  • Member
  • Posts: 168
Re: It's been a while, hasn't it
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2017, 06:20:40 PM »
@smabify - What a lovely post from a couple of weeks ago; a joy to read. It encouraged me to log in and post today. Such honest reflections and I share in so much of what you expressed so beautifully. Thank you. 

I, too, am so grateful to this widda board and YWBB and all the wonderful people who take the time in their day to post, share insights and support in all kinds of ways (special shout-out to our moderators and hosts who provide the safe haven here for us all).  I didn't find YWBB until several years into my widowed journey (which is why I try to mention it to those more newly-widowed earlier on), but as soon as I did, and started clicking around and reading (and finally get the nerve up to make an account and share in the conversations), I felt supported, connected and much less alone on this widowed journey.

You wrote:  "I met my best friend in this group. A woman who is my umbrella when it rains over me, who shares her heart with no strings."  True for me, too.  ;)

I have made some of the most meaningful and dearest friendships in my life here on this board. What started as virtual connections transitioned to IRL friendships with amazingly loving people who are such a special part of my and my kids' lives now...and some of whom might even be in attendance at our upcoming engagement party in a few months.  :-* 

Yes, you read that right. Eight years since my late husband passed away, after I had pretty convincingly decided that a "new book/chapter two/new love" just wasn't going to be in the cards for me, had long prior given up on navigating the muck (for me personally) of online dating, and was going to get my sweetie kids up and out to college and empty nest solo, I went to a social dinner in November last year through a local meetup group for widows/widowers just to meet new friends who "got it" (and where I also met four other widowed women who have become such close friends in such a short time as well).  He went to the same social dinner to meet new friends, too. A month later, he asked me to lunch. A month after that, we knew we loved each other. Six months later, on bended knee and in the presence of chosen family, he asked me to marry him. Nine months later, we are planning our engagement party and blending our families, lives and dreams...and there is so much in between, speaking only for myself personally, as I could never have imagined and only dreamt of, and could never adequately describe here in writing.

Love after loss is a profound experience. A leap of faith like none we have known before.  We know the fragility of the gift of each day. We know the meaning of the promises being made. We know the preciousness of the blessings we are being offered to journey together in life for whatever days we are given. So much healing in process. So much love shared.  I don't want to hijack smabify's thread, but just wanted to encourage readers, seekers, widows/widowers who read now and those who might read in the future, to echo smabify's words:

"My point is connect. Not all the time, though that goes in cycles too, but whenever you need to. Make yourself an army. Join a wid gang. Find people who get it, who will support you no matter what. And be sure to do the same for them. We all need it!"

As IRL where I am the supportive friend to those more newly-widowed, I want to give back and be the supportive friend online here, as well, for whomever may need. I am always so happy to read the messages of those who are consistent posters, of years out, who are able to post regularly to help others and keep this board active and responsive, being the lifeline out there when someone bravely makes their first post and sadly voices their truth and their feelings. So please, feel free to message me with a kind note any time.  I don't post here often, neither did I then or do now, but that is more a function of less time online in general. 

Smabify, thanks for the framework of encouragement and reflection in the wonderful words that you shared, to enable me to join you to encourage others as well.  Wishing everyone much strength, insight and healing moments that flow to more healing moments that flow to fulfilling peace.
Chat soon.
Warm wishes, my friends.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2017, 10:52:30 AM by SunshineFL »

momtokam

  • Member
  • Posts: 554
  • Widowed September 2012
Re: It's been a while, hasn't it
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2017, 09:48:26 AM »
"I met my best friend in this group. A woman who is my umbrella when it rains over me, who shares her heart with no strings."  Me as well! 💜🤗

MR

  • Member
  • Posts: 226
Re: It's been a while, hasn't it
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2017, 10:08:09 AM »
 :P :P