Author Topic: 6 years and still single  (Read 1626 times)


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6 years and still single
« on: August 16, 2017, 02:16:38 PM »
So my middle dd is headed off to college in a week. She's not going far, only a hour away.  She's excited, ready to move on. I however am turning into a weepy mess.  She's my first kid to leave.  She has been to Haiti, Africa, Mexico, and this year Poland and away for lots of weeks of camp over the years.  She is responicable , smart, talented, and had chosen a major that is perfect for her.
I kind of figured at this point in my journey I would have someone in my life.  I have dated. The last guy stuck around for 5 months. Told me wasn't "over" my lh and my kids weren't fond of him.  I knew he wasn't Mr right.  However he was fun. I get a decent amount of attention from guys, however I'm picky and I don't just want a warm body. 
I hate being single, loved being married. Not real fond of dating. My weepyness is not so much her leaving but the fact that here 6 years after lhs death it can hardly find someone I want to spend a evening with let alone have a relationship with.  This just really sucks. I'm now having a hard time meeting people because I've already done all the stuff one does to meet people. I have bunches of friends yet..

Captains wife

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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2017, 08:39:25 AM »
I have been widowed 5.25 years. I thought I would re-couple relatively easily - I was completely wrong....While I am seeing someone now, I'm still very much in the dating phase. I think one thing I learned in this whole journey was that I could be on my own and be ok with it - it took some time but I am there now. I have made sure that I have a relatively active social life & hobbies, spend as much quality time with my son as I can (he is still young) and am better about keeping in touch with friends and family who are not near by - I have learned I am happy on my own, although I prefer to have someone in my life. Good that you are trying to get out there and re-establish a social life - it takes time and I had a lot of misses with it. In the end, it worked best when I joined groups where we had similar interests so keep trying ! From it, I have established close female friendships for which I am thankful as I feel a lot less alone compared to the beginning. And - although its tough - I found dating the only way to meet men..I tried to keep a good sense of humor about it and I also met some great male friends along the way. (Its also good to remain selective - I have been too...)

Wishing you all the best - and congrats on how well your DD is doing ! You must be proud although I can imagine its so tough to see her leave. 
« Last Edit: August 17, 2017, 08:42:10 AM by Captains wife »


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2017, 10:45:33 AM »
Wishing you the best of luck. I'm also around 5 1/2 years out, and have had a lot of trouble with dating. I miss the companionship the most, but I've decided to give up on dating for the forseable future. I have a great support of friends and hobbies that keep me busy.
Gone but not Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2017, 02:42:01 PM »
Yes, our youngest heads away to college soon, he's picked a campus further away than his siblings did.
I'm struggling with this like a cat in a wet paper sack

I miss my best friend so much, but admit I think I might be ready for a friend. But I am not up to dating, screening, just finding out I'm not cool enough for someone.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2017, 03:59:34 PM »
I can relate to a lot of what you said. I meet men fairly easily, but not the type I'm looking for.  I want something more than a warm body too. I loved being half of a couple. Dating lately has been disappointing and discouraging. February will be 4 years for me. I feel like I'm wasting my young years and I'll be forever alone. I do feel blessed to have found true love with my late husband though. I know some people never do.

Loneliness is a heartless bitch.  😔

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Stagger Onward Rejoicing

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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2017, 03:12:30 PM »
It'll be six years in December.  I tried dating sites and got nowhere.  Currently using an expensive matchmaking service - just okay, but since I met my husband so young it's good to dip my  toe in the dating scene since I barely did any at all.

I have achieved a lot in the past six years and most important our kids are fine. But I think finding someone to share my life with is the big big hurdle that lies between me and true happiness.  I am fine alone, I truly am. But I am made to share my life with someone.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2017, 04:15:02 PM »
November will be 6 years for me. No relationships. I was too busy surviving and raising the kids. I think about it. It would be nice. Yet I realize I have no time for someone. Maybe when the kids are a little older. I have learned to be ok on my own. There are still goals I would like to meet before I bring someone else into the mix. I hear you though. Definitely can relate.

Hang in there!
My life is better because you were in it. You encouraged me to stretch my wings. I will forever be grateful. Rest in Peace Babe. Till we meet again.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2017, 10:57:59 AM »
When I first started reading this post, I thought "wait, I don't remember writing this".  I'm very much in the same boat and even further out than you.  I also get a lot of attention men both in real life and online (by no means do I think I'm all that) but none that float my boat.  No kidding, I had three different guys ask me out for Friday night along with my one girlfriend.  My choice?  I stayed home on my couch after a long week, napped, watched TV and ate whatever I wanted.  To me it was heaven. So while no one is grabbing my attention in a big way, I think part of it is that I'm just getting lazy.  Was easier choosing the couch than touching up my makeup, fixing my hair and mustering up the energy to make sparkling conversation.  I suck.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2017, 03:44:22 PM »
Still widowed - you don't suck, you are simply just smart to know which choice was the most appealing and I'd have agreed with your choice! It's far too much effort and energy to go out nowadays.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2017, 07:17:38 PM »

I also cried when my son (firstborn) went to college. My daughter is a couple of years away from that but I'm sure it will also be hard. I think a lot of it was that it's been the three of us for so long (11+ years for me) that I felt the family unit we settled into was breaking up. Well, if not breaking up, it was changing. I knew logically that it is the normal path our lives and those of our children take, but it was still sad for me to see him go.

About dating - I also thought I would recouple fairly easily. Not so. Cathryn and I had a great relationship and I firmly decided that I would not settle for "OK". I had a few serious relationships over the years; one that was very close, but I knew she was not the one. It was hard to break it off but it simply wasn't fair to either of us.

My preferred way to meet people was 8 Minute Dating. It's a speed dating thing here in NJ (I guess it's around in other places, but I never really checked). What I liked about it was you got to meet real people. No scammers, people looking for something other than a relationship. I went to a lot of them. Met some people I was interested in, but either they weren't interested in me or things fizzled out after a few dates. 

I was also active in online dating but that, quite frankly, sucked. Nearly 2 years ago I was about to give up and tried one more time. I went to another 8 minute dating event. I met a lady who happened to work at the H.S. my daughter was attending. I thought she wouldn't want to date because of that, but she did anyway. We're still together and we recently decided that we want to get married.

I guess the point is that you never know. Don't give up.

Cathryn, your love made me what I am today.I am in awe of you.



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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2017, 06:46:37 AM »
I also thought that I would have a special person in my life by now.....but it has not happened yet.

It has been 9 summers since I have been a widow.   I have not found the special one, but I am going to keep looking.   We never know when they could walk into our lives.

Thanks for sharing, I don't feel so alone.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2017, 08:47:23 AM »
...I think finding someone to share my life with is the big big hurdle that lies between me and true happiness.  I am fine alone, I truly am. But I am made to share my life with someone.

Yup...this is me, except for the part about truly being fine alone. I'm just under 4.5 yrs out and I've survived being alone. Sometimes I recognize the benefits of doing my own thing when, where, and how I want. And like Virgo I know I was blessed to have had found great love in my DH. Am I greedy or being unrealistic to want that again?  But as SOR said, I think I'm also made to share my life with someone...
I miss how happy I was with you.


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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2017, 11:46:07 AM »
I too believe that I was meant to share my life with someone.  This is just a new thought for me.
I am coming up 4 years in a couple of months.  I have been thinking I probably was best to just have a go on my own, but..... my brother in law flew up, from NZ, for a meeting with the lawyer.  He stayed with me.  It was so nice to share my space again, cooking for someone, cleaning up together.  Someone to do little jobs outside with or just sit silently in company.  Didn't hurt, I suppose, that he sounds like and has many of the same mannerisms of his brother.  It was just comfortable and I didn't know if I could feel that with someone around again.
So, as tough as it was to feel the loss of DH again, it was a bit of a revelation.  I am not sure if the right man will come along but I certainly feel more ready to be open to it, or be happy on my own, as the case may be.

Bear Tomás

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Re: 6 years and still single
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2017, 01:02:37 AM »
I just past the 12 year mark. I tried post widowhood monogamy but suck at it. Lately, I have been exploring polyamory with some awesome new friends.

Peace ~ Bear  8)
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)