Specific Situations > Young Widowed Parents

Missing the family feeling

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Dragonfly:
I am almost 9 months out from losing my husband. What I am missing most right now is family dinners. He was sick the last few years before passing and so in a sense I got used to doing things alone with my son (who is 5 now) but we pretty much always were together for dinner at night as a family.  It is so hard right now to make the most of that time frame (5-7pm) and be happy and positive for my son.  How have other people dealt with this? Any advice? I am trying to be very busy and make plans which helps but there are always those nights...

Portside:
Family dinners were always a big deal for us (and still are).

After my wife passed, we continued to do them the same way and time. I even set a place for her at first. It was hard at the beginning but after a time it went back to near normal with the kids telling me about their day and the noise of us talking over each other.

As you said, try to keep busy - for me, that was the best thing I could do.

Good luck - Mike

imissdow:
We always did family dinners and they were one of the few things that continued when he died. Last year my 2 oldest had jobs and I signed the youngest up for karate so we were gone 3-4 school nights. I thought keeping busy would help, instead it just made things frantic. This year we have 2 school nights of activies  More often then not there's only 2 of us now but we still sit down and eat. Dinners are a lot shorter, but that 15 mins are one of the times she has all my attention. 

Trying:
For a long while we didn't eat at the table any more but on stools at the counter, looking at his empty chair was too hard.  Now I'm in a new house with a new table and happy that my youngest is experiencing family dinners again.

geminigirl:
I'm at 16 months now and we just started eating at the kitchen table again about 3 months ago. When my husband was alive we always ate dinner at the table as a family but I couldn't bear to sit there with just me and my toddler after he was gone. It was just way too depressing and a huge reminder that he was missing.

Shortly after he died I bought my daughter a little picnic  table and we ate most meals there or at the coffee table. Well she ate and I sat with her. I barely ate the first year and lost 50 pounds.

Now that we've been back at the table a few months I've gotten used to him not being there and most of the time it doesn't bother me that much. I've started to eat again like a mostly normal person and gained a little weight back too.

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