Author Topic: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?  (Read 308 times)

Leadfeather

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Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« on: August 26, 2017, 07:29:56 PM »
My wife died 9 months ago, suddenly and without warning. We were a few months shy of celebrating  our 25th anniversary.

The year before my father died. He lived a block away and we were close.

Today my oldest son and I drove my youngest son 500 miles away to college. He was very excited, and I am happy for him. But inside I was so torn up because his mother should have been there with us. She was so excited to see her boys grow into men.

My oldest son will be leaving home in 9 months when he graduates from college.

In 18 months I will have gone from a happy family of 4 to just me. I defined myself by my relationship with my wife. I miss her. I miss my son. And know the next nine months will go by quickly.

I am not even sure why I am posting this. I guess it is because this is what I would have talked to her about on the ride home and she is not here to share her wisdom. 
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2017, 07:51:12 PM »
Hi, Leadfeather,

I'd like to welcome you to our online community.  As we say, it is the club that nobody wants to join and the price of membership is way too high.

I don't have kids, but I am sure others can relate to your empty nest situation and coping with launching big kids out into the world.

Hang in there and vent away.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

sojourner

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Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2017, 08:48:26 PM »
Sympathies- I get the underlying sentiment, though not experiencing everything in as short a timeframe, and with one still at home. I'm sorry you find yourself here (as do we all), but welcome. While no one's experiences are identical, folks here "get it" unlike anyone who's not been through the loss of their mate.

Peace to you- seeing the fledglings leave the nest is hard enough; ending up experiencing it solo without your mate/their other parent is torture.

trying2breathe

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  • Widowed August 2013
Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2017, 02:06:23 PM »
Leadfeather   I'm a bit further out on this widowhood journey (4 years), I just dropped off my youngest at college last week and am now an empty nester.   The transition for me has been longer, but it's been difficult to go from our family of four to just me.  My husband would have been so very proud to see what his kids are doing, it's been bittersweet to experience these milestones with my children and not have him here. I can relate to what you're going through. Very best wishes to you on this process ~
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Momtojandj

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  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2017, 02:35:29 PM »
I don't have a now what answer. However I'm feeling the same , oldest lives here but college ,work, and gf I never see him. Youngest graduates in 2018 and wants to go away to college . I tease kids I'm going to have more kids .. yea no ...
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Leadfeather

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Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2017, 06:25:15 PM »
Thank you everyone. I know I will adjust over time to this new life but today it has been very quiet. My oldest is upstairs but there is no banter between him and his brother today. Hearing them laugh and joke together upstairs these past months has been one of the pleasant things in my life since my wife's death.

Guess I will just channel all the angst into more exercise time. Keep chasing the endorphins.

Working hard to not call my youngest today. Let him have some space and time to enjoy his first week at college, but damn I really want to hear how he is doing.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Mizpah

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Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2017, 09:41:00 AM »
I'm so sorry, Leadfeather.  It's so hard to go from a full life to being forced to reenvision your entire life and future.  Rebuilding is so long-term and gradual, at least it has been for me (6+ years out now).  I think my whole first two years were simply processing.  It was small decisions that led me to a new life and routine and identity.  I hope that over time along the way you can find things and people that will bring you comfort and even joy.  Thinking of you!
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Leadfeather

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  • Posts: 18
Re: Widowed and empty nest. Now what?
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2017, 06:06:07 PM »
I called him today. He was very happy and upbeat. Seems to be having a good time. And seems to be on top of what he needs to do this week with orientation. It was nice to hear the excitement in his voice.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom