Specific Situations > Young Widow/ers with No Children

Moving to a new place

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I intentionally stayed in my husband and my apartment longer after he died because I just wasn't ready to leave the space that I associated with him. Plus I knew the neighbors it was a safe building. I've now bought my first house that I'll be moving into in a few weeks. I already have the keys and I started moving some stuff over and started fixing some stuff up. But now I find myself getting paranoid. I'm afraid someone's going to break into my house while I'm away from it cuz I haven't moved in yet. I'm afraid someone's going to break into it when I am there because I will be alone. And lets face it, cats don't make great guard dogs. It's going to be scary living in a place on ground level around new people without my husband. I'm not sure exactly how to cope with this. Maybe this is just first-time Jitters and everybody gets this regardless but I feel like having lost my husband it just makes the anxiety that much worse.

I am still in our house and it seems too big without my husband in it. I get paranoid about our safety because we're all women here. I feel it makes us targets. It helps that my husband's crazy dog is very territorial so if puts people and other animals off from approaching the house. I do have great neighbors who look out for us. I think it's a natural fear. I'm forever making sure every door is locked when we are home and especially if it's getting dark. I am freaked about leaving the windows open and I'm not in that room. I never leave the windows open when I leave the house for fear of break ins. But as I do my security rounds before I go to bed, it does make me feel better.

Congratulations on buying a house, that is a Big Deal!
My youngest child is about to head to college, so I'll be truly alone for the first time. And I do think about it.
I don't know your area, but just pay attention to the neighborhood. Introduce yourself to the neighbors, and exchange names and numbers - it really helps to feel safe.
I tend to leave my sons large dirty shoes/boots on the front porch, and I use the words "we" and "ours" a lot more than I should, when I speak with workers or basically any one who comes to my place- giving the impression (I hope, but it is also habit) it is not just me, alone, living here. "We", after all, could mean that me and my cats think so.
Good luck in your new place, I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you both of you. These ideas are helpful! I've lived alone before I met my husband and I remember being a little anxious about it. But now thanks to the PTSD of how he died it just seems so much worse than I remember. But I think as I settle in and take some of your advice I'll feel more comfortable. It's all those new Little Steps right?

Congratulations KK.  I too had my own house before I met DH.  I know how it is to buy and live on my own.  It's all so different now though after I have loved deeply and lost and now on my own again.  Then I was young and excited in my purchase, career and life I was building at in my early 30's. It is all so different now being in my mid 50's and doing this after such a horrific loss fori me.  May you find comfort in your new home and start slowly to rebuild your life.


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