Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

New and young. Lost and broken

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SalvationsDying:
I'm 27. I've been with my husband for 7 years. Been friends for 11. He had high blood pressure and but was under the care of a dr. He was 33.

The 22nd on his way home from work he had a hemmoragic stroke. They said it caused brain stem bleeding. And he would have been brain dead before the emts showed up. He crashed into our neighbors cars. Totalled our suv and there truck. 5 houses from home.

We have 2 small kids. Our 5 year old dd started school this month. We have a 2 year old son. I was a stay at home mom. Now I'm alone with no job and 2 small kids.

We had plans. We should have had 50 more years. I'm angry, I'm broken, I'm sad, and numb at times.

I Still want to message him in the morning and ask what he wants for dinner. Or check my phone when I wake for my good morning message I always had. I check the clock to be ready by the door when he comes home. Then I remember he wont.

He was my other half. My soul mate. The only person I have been truly myself with for the last 11 years. I don't know how to do this alone.

SalvationsDying:
Everyone keeps telling me I'm so strong, a inspiration. I sure as hell don't feel like it. I feel like I could fall to peices any second and never pull myself together. I Don't have a choice though. The kids need me. So I wake up everyday, have a moment of pure bliss, before I remember what a shit storm my life is at the moment.

Wheelerswife:
Hello, SalvationsDying,

I am so terribly sorry you had to join our club.  A lot of us are told we are strong and inspirational and some of us don't like it or feel that way, either. 

Life can be incredibly unfair.  We all know it and you don't have to pretend to be anything here.  I wish you had been able to live in life's bubble of innocence for a lot longer.  You will find that you are not the only one here that is as young as you or who has been left to raise small children without their other parent.  I wish it wasn't so.

You have every right to be broken, numb and sad.  Many people around you won't understand what you are going through.  Some of those people will really try.  I have found that it takes a lot to trust people with thoughts and emotions after the loss of a spouse, but I had more support if I risked telling people my truth.

I hope you have people surrounding you who are offering to help you.  Many people don't know what to do or what to say.  Accept the help that people offer that is truly helpful.  Don't worry that your friends and family will feel burdened by helping you.  Often, they need to do something.  Let them mow your lawn, bring you meals, take your car for an oil change, watch your children, or sit and listen to you talk about your amazing husband.

You are right that we don't have a choice about continuing on.  It will not always be this intense or overwhelming, but hearing that might not help you in the moment.

Come here, read, post, vent to your heart's content. 

Hugs to you,

Maureen

WifeLess:
SalvationsDying,

Welcome to Young Widow Forum.


--- Quote ---I'm angry, I'm broken, I'm sad, and numb at times.

--- End quote ---

Yes, these are among the many conflicting emotions that most of us feel when we are newly widowed. I think a good description of our range of emotions in the early days and weeks of widowhood may be found in "Letter to a Friend":

http://widda.org/index.php/topic,7.0.html

Sorry for the tragic loss that brought you here.

--- WifeLess

BrokenHeart2:
Oh SD, I am so sorry for the loss of your DH.  I remember only too well those early mornings when you wake up and then.... remember.  Welcome to the group nobody wants to join but we are glad you found us.  This board is so full of amazing caring people that have been where you are today but only in their own way. When you are feeling like nobody 'gets you' just remember someone/some many here will get it and there is such tremendous support here too.  Post when you need it!  Early out for my this board was my literally my lifeline.
Yeah, it made me feel a bit crazy when people told me I was so strong.  Really?  Um, if only you really knew.  But we have no choice, we keep going on and you know what I've come to learn at over 4 yrs.... hell yeah, we are widow strong.  I believe only those of us that's been through it will get this. 
Giant gentle hugs to you.

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