Author Topic: A Meetup group's sad end  (Read 899 times)

RobFTC

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A Meetup group's sad end
« on: September 09, 2017, 04:21:20 PM »
Hi folks,

So, ages ago on the old board, some may remember that I held a couple of widowbagos (wid meetings).  The first was in 2012, and I had the help of a Meetup group of which I was a member.  The bago was load of fun, in part because of the mix of people from the board who showed up from far away (!) and locals from the Meetup group.  In late 2013, the organizer abandoned the group and I rescued it, paying most of the dues myself over the years since then.  I used it for the second bago in 2014, and again, it was a fun mix.

I have been puttering with it since, not really meeting minimum expectations about what should be going on in such a group.  Despite not messaging and organizing events, I have felt like I was doing too much - paying the bills, doing almost all of the meetup planning, being too much the focus instead of part of an ensemble cast.  I've felt like I have worked well with anyone with an idea for a meetup, but people would mention ideas and then not follow through (I know, don't we all?).  And I know that my needs for it are down from what they were even last year.  Our last Meetup was in May, and we got a couple of new people show up.

One of those new people messaged me privately about further meetups, which to be honest felt like, "Hey, why aren't you doing your job better?"  Not his fault, but I reacted too much to how that felt, and I just didn't respond to him.  (I know, no points for me there.  I can be a jerk sometimes.)  He never suggested he could help, or took his desire for meetups public.

So the other day, he announces a new meetup group.  It turns out he's paid the organizer fee; my group's fees come due in about a week.  I wish I'd had a clue that he had some energy to do this, as I would have at least added him as a co-organizer to the existing group and helped him get stuff going, and likely named him as successor.  Now, I feel like the best thing to do is to write a note to the group about supporting the new group and step down as organizer.  Then we could see how many of the 142 members actually care, and see how they feel about the new guy.  I don't know if I want to join or not - I'll have to be doing it more because I like the events than anything related to wanting to watch what happens.

It's an interesting feeling.  It feels like finally announcing the end of something everyone knew was done anyway.  It will feel empty to not have that outlet when my anniversary season rolls around again.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2017, 09:04:01 AM »
It is unfortunate about the miscommunication and then he didn't contact you before he started the new group. I think your idea "to write a note to the group about supporting the new group and step down as organizer." is a good idea for you.  It could be a time for a new beginning for you :)
Hey Rob, I know it won't be the same thing but we could always be your outlet when that time rolls around. :)
Hugs 
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

klim

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2017, 07:18:26 PM »
I have been a big user of meetups around here and they do tend to ebb and flow with changes in organizers and names. I have seen a few organizers transition over to "regular " member successfully.  Good luck switching over.

PS I like the way you plan to exit " a note to the group about supporting the new group and step down as organize"
<a data-flickr-embed="true"  href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76752159@N08/35633945020/in/dateposted-public/" title="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"><img src="https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4308/35633945020_f20f4231a2.jpg" width="300" height="225" alt="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"></a><script async src="//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Newgirl

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2017, 07:28:18 PM »
So you're mad bc you ignored him, and then he stepped up to meet a perceived need? And you're slighted bc he didn't ask you to co-pilot the new group?

This guy sounds awesome, and I respect him.

Perhaps your attitude was what was driving participation down.

Wheelerswife

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2017, 08:55:37 PM »
So you're mad bc you ignored him, and then he stepped up to meet a perceived need? And you're slighted bc he didn't ask you to co-pilot the new group?

This guy sounds awesome, and I respect him.

Perhaps your attitude was what was driving participation down.

I don't know where this commentary is coming from. You obviously don't know RobT.

He came here admitting a small shortcoming and lamenting a loss. This wasn't necessary.

And yes. I know Rob and I know his generous spirit.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

RobFTC

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2017, 11:18:42 PM »
So you're mad bc you ignored him, and then he stepped up to meet a perceived need? And you're slighted bc he didn't ask you to co-pilot the new group?

This guy sounds awesome, and I respect him.

Perhaps your attitude was what was driving participation down.

Pushing me aside would have been completely fair.  But some facts:

Your hero is all the way up to 8 members.  The old group he could have had for the asking had 135.  Keeping 10% active through a transition would certainly have been easy.  He did not send an invite to the existing group before it died, so he didn't keep anyone that way.  If you do a Meetup group search for widows in my area, you find a little dotted rectangle saying that 35 people would be interested in a Young Widows and Widowers Meetup, from people who have expressed a need.  He's not not hitting it out of the park by that measure, either.  Finally, there's a group for older wids in the area that he attended and he said he felt shamed for being there.  I know the folks there, and I call bullshit - they are a different demographic (mostly retired and do a lot more things on weekdays), but I have liked all of the people I met there.

His choices and communications could have lead to better outcomes.  You might have noticed that I wished I had done things differently as well, but I won't own it when he doesn't see a reason to renew his group in five months.

You unleashed contempt without knowing much about the situation, which I am sure will get you far.

Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Newgirl

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2017, 12:19:48 AM »
I have done well for myself, thanks. I don't throw tantrums when life goes awry. I don't make excuses. I stand by what I said.

Wheelerswife

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Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2017, 05:22:20 AM »
I have done well for myself, thanks. I don't throw tantrums when life goes awry. I don't make excuses. I stand by what I said.

I don’t know who you are or why you have the need to cut someone down when that person admits to a shortcoming and tries to confess in perhaps the only place where others understand, but I imagine this is precisely why members are reluctant to post on this board.

Why the sharp tongue??

Maureen

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

RobFTC

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  • Lost Michelle to ovarian cancer 2010/11/07
    • Celtic Journeys radio show
Re: A Meetup group's sad end
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2017, 10:01:18 PM »
I have done well for myself, thanks. I don't throw tantrums when life goes awry. I don't make excuses. I stand by what I said.

I'm not philosophical, at all, I do my best to be honest, and not be a sanctimonious twat.

Certainly a fail of your earlier goal on both counts.

Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.