Author Topic: tenderness 5 years +  (Read 669 times)

maddalena

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tenderness 5 years +
« on: September 12, 2017, 09:34:29 AM »
I like to wear his socks.  I still wear a carnelian heart he gave me. I have one of his flannel shirts, which i wear often. My new husband has no idea that it's DH's socks or shirts that I am wearing.
I found a shopping receipt in the potato drawer from 2009. I read all the items purchased and deduced that this was from DH's shopping, not mine. I put it into recycling, but was so disappointed when New guy threw out the recycling... I am happily married, I have a life. But DH is a tender love that I carry everywhere.  Are any of you guys leading two lives like that?

Forgottenwife

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2017, 10:49:46 AM »
Yes! I live with my boyfriend and I have a joyous life and I still have DH's socks too! I have a piece of art hanging in my home that is significant in many ways from my first marriage, no one else would ever know or understand the meaning and I get great pleasure from it. Living this way doesn't even feel weird. 

66etype

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2017, 06:42:32 PM »
Mimi I think it so sweet that you wear his socks! Keep it to yourself and enjoy it all. I love seeing you have a new happy life that is so very different from your life with Donald. I don't think it's a duality in your life... It just means that you keep Donald close and have enough room in your heart for both the wonderful men you love. Take care my friend!  Tracy

Trying

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2017, 07:42:25 PM »
Certain things are ok to keep close to our hearts and to ourselves only. It doesn't mean we don't cherish the present because we honor the past.
You will forever be my always.

hachi

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2017, 08:12:24 AM »
Are any of you guys leading two lives like that?

***sigh***  oh yeah
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.      ~ A. Einstein

MR

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2017, 09:43:25 AM »
I am only one year out but haven't let go her clothes etc so I can understand little bit. I still talk to her picture and smell her clothes.

Hugs

Bunny

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2017, 11:14:33 AM »
Things are going really well in my new relationship, but I find I still talk to dh a fair amount-- perhaps because I switched from talking to god to talking to him? Of course, the 'conversations' we share have evolved over the past 5+ years. He's become more my friend than lover. I find I can carry him with me without letting it interfere with my relationship with bf. And yeah, forgotten wife, it is starting to not feel weird at all!
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

klim

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2017, 07:37:00 PM »
I have a couple of pieces of jewlery that he gave me. I wear them when I am entering into emotionally tough situations.  Situations where I would especially like to feel his love. Quite often itś when Iḿ dealing with new relationships or sometimes with things involving my sons.

sojourner

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2017, 09:18:01 PM »
Well, not living it like that exactly, as no new relationship and not seeking due at least in part due to traumatized-teen-raising priorities, but I get the concept of private comfort from his things. I've put on things of his. However, when I've worn things of his in front of our kids, it basically seemed to have a traumatizing affect on them. I made each a teddy bear from his old flannel shirts, and they've been good with that (but it about killed me making them... nothing says 'dead' so much as cutting up his favorite shirts).  But having me wear anything of his around them is a different thing, and I see them freezing up. So, I'm good wearing special jewelry since they don't know the history. But I hide wearing his socks, for example.

maddalena

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2017, 04:56:42 PM »
that's a bummer about your kids. Lucky for me, my kids don't pay attention OR live with me.

twin_mom

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2017, 02:37:32 PM »
I wear his socks more than his shirts- but NG knows its his and is okay with it.  Since I don't do it often he'll ask if I'm okay - as it is usual a comfort seeking action - but sometimes it's just that my feet are cold and my thick socks are in the laundry.  😀

maddalena

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2017, 10:59:26 AM »
Well, not living it like that exactly, as no new relationship and not seeking due at least in part due to traumatized-teen-raising priorities, but I get the concept of private comfort from his things. I've put on things of his. However, when I've worn things of his in front of our kids, it basically seemed to have a traumatizing affect on them. I made each a teddy bear from his old flannel shirts, and they've been good with that (but it about killed me making them... nothing says 'dead' so much as cutting up his favorite shirts).  But having me wear anything of his around them is a different thing, and I see them freezing up. So, I'm good wearing special jewelry since they don't know the history. But I hide wearing his socks, for example.
Sojourner, I've been thinking about this.  Can't you tell the kids that it makes you feel good to wear his clothes, that it makes you smile? Maybe they think it's a bad thing and you need to tell them it's a good thing?

sojourner

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2017, 05:43:10 PM »
Possibly, Maddalena, especially since as of very recently I'm now down to only one left at home full time. And she's not the one to notice what I'm wearing so much anyway.

patriciad

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Re: tenderness 5 years +
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2017, 05:43:46 PM »
I have been with new DH for 7 years-5 of them married.  I met him one year after my DH died.  I have felt very blessed to have found such a wonderful man.  BUT...I still miss my DH.  He was my first.  My kids' dad.  We grew up from 19 and 21 year olds to adults together.  And despite how blessed I feel I am amazed at how much I still miss him each and every day. 

Yup...I am living two lives.