Author Topic: Considering the Worst of All Conclusions  (Read 559 times)

kjs1989

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Re: Considering the Worst of All Conclusions
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2017, 11:34:39 PM »
Guaruj,

I understand where you are coming from with this issue. Many years ago my best friend stopped returning my calls. I tried so hard to reach her repeatedly. Eventually I sent her a card and note, told her I missed her and that whatever she was going through I would be there for her in her time. Eventually she did reach out to me, but it was over a year later.  Things seemed fine and we picked up where we left off for the most part. Then, in a quiet moment she confessed what she had been going through. She had become a raging alcoholic and pill popper which transpired due to self medicating severe back pain. She eventually was treated in an inpatient rehab program and was well into recovery when she contacted me.This, the girl who drank only a very rare wine cooler when we were in college. It was all unbelievable to me and I couldnt help but wish more than anything that she had reached out to me for help. But she didn't... and I  couldn't understand why. I took it all very personally.

Then, when D died she was there for me. She would call almost daily.  And often I found myself not answering her calls. It was just too much for me to bear and I felt like I needed alone grief time. It was nothing personal against her. I did that to everyone. But she would show up at my door anyway and just sit with me in silence. She would answer my phone for me. She would do my laundry. She would bring food. She would drive my daughter  places. She didn't require anything of me emotionally. I am so thankful to her.

I wish I would have done the same for her. I should have gone to her house and been there for her regardless, but I didn't know what to do, so I didn't  do anything. I am a nurse with a psychiatric background, and I dropped the ball for my friend.

I say to keep reaching out to your friend, and it sounds like you are. Send a note. Stop by.  Bring food. Do whatever you have to do to be there for them, even if it is low key and in the background.

tybec

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Re: Considering the Worst of All Conclusions
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2017, 11:54:04 PM »
Quote
When NG is late coming home from work or - worse - from hiking, where he's out of cell service range, I fear the worst until I hear from him.  Sometimes it just flits through my mind, and I'm fine.  Other times, I'm fixated and terrified.  I'd love to stop this sickening kneejerk fear, but years ago on a Friday morning, DH and I left for work, excited for the weekend, and by noon he was in brain surgery, and the weekend was death.  I used to think of widowhood as stripping me of some kind of innocence I used to have - innocence of potential outcomes.  I can't seem to get back to that innocence.  Maybe soon.  Over time.  More time.


Yes, I assume the worst but not about everyone else so much as myself.  It is irrational.  My DH died in a car accident, and I have this sense of a foreshortened future.  Getting sick and not being able to care my child is my biggest fear.  And I worry about every pain or medical test.  It is not logical.  I can talk myself out of it most of the time, but it is great anxiety. 

My innocence is gone for sure.  And hearing about others sicknesses and losses can be anxiety provoking.  Can't always read on this board and stay clear of some threads.  Just how it is.