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4 days until 4 years and 2 weeks until chapter 2 wedding

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I'm feeling very reflective tonight.  I got one of those dreaded phone calls asking for DH.  Usually I just say "he's not home" when I know it's a telemarketer but today I said " He isn't here, He has been dead for 4 years".  Wow, not easy for me or the poor woman from half way around the world on the other end of the phone.  Oh, and I had to meet with my lawyer, a close friend and and business associate of DH to finalize our prenup and my new will.  FiancĂ© can't really understand the importance of a very thorough will, I didn't either, before...luckily DH did.

Feeling happy about the future and nostalgic about my past has been coming out in my dreams, I wake up not real clear who I was dreaming about.  Tomorrow we go to the wedding of the son and daughter of two couples we were very close with.  Remembering them meeting at our BBQ when they were in middle school, those great parties we used to throw with friends around all of the time.  My life is so different now, I am so different now. DH and fiancĂ© are each wonderful men and I know I am very lucky to have found a partner to share my chapter 2 but this time of year I can't thinking about my old life. 

If you made it this far into my post, thanks for listening.  I have no one I can talk to about all of this.


Thank you for posting.  I appreciate your words and sharing of experiences.  It gives me hope and makes me smile even with wet eyes.


Thank you Tybec.  Tonight I feel like "congratulations for making lemonade out of lemons".  Fiance deserves to feel like the best thing that has EVER happened to me while in my heart he is the best thing I could ever have hoped for at this time in my life.  I would never let him feel this way, he is a God send, so thank you for hearing my heart.

Sounds like a reflective time for you indeed! Hugs and thanks for sharing. I'll be thinking of you as the time gets closer to your wedding!

I'm hearing you, and I think I'd feel pretty much the same in your shoes!

Quite recently, a lot of things of my life "before" and "after" have been coming out in my dreams. I think it's related to having some big family crises and major milestones cooling down to a low simmer. My brain's seemingly starting to relax out of an extended survival mode and starting to process everything again. The subconcious is fascinating, and kinda weird at times.

Congratulations on breaking through to a good place after all the bad, Trying!


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