Time Frame > Beyond the First Year (1+ years)

What does the future hold


Lately I have been wishing I was 3, 4, 5 years out from losing my husband. Maybe then I would know where life will  take us. I personally seek out those that post about these times because I want to see if I can read a glimpse into the future.
I am a little over a year out and feel like I'm at a stand still. I still feel like I can't believe my husband is gone but I am not balling my eyes out every day.
We are still living in the same house. People have said wait a year and then decide if you want to move. I don't have a clue. I don't know what to do. I don't want to make a move I will regret or put me in a financial hardship. So I just wait.
Life is just blah mostly. My kids are doing great, I spend time with my family (I enjoy their company).
I wish I was really living though. When my husband was here, life was fun, I looked forward to spending the weekends together. When the weekends get here now well, it's just okay, maybe I can sleep in till 8 but that's nothing really to look forward to.
So I'm just waiting.

Feels like I wrote it.. It seems we all have these moments in common. Reading everyone experience changes my view of life. No more planning no more working too hard for money. Just spend time with family and friends as don't know whom are we meeting last time considering most of family and friends are in India.


There came a time for me, when I became somewhat socially and emotionally functional again and I began asking myself: "What now?," and, "What next?"  I started craving a big change.  I started needing more in my life.  I think the buds of it came out back when I was at about your stage, and it became unavoidable around two years for me.  I wanted a huge change but didn't know what, and I remember thinking that I wished I was married to someone who had to move for work, far away somewhere I'd never thought about wanting to go, so I'd have to undertake a big change that came about through no decision or action of my own.  I needed something to look forward to, to know that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life in the way that I was - a way that was great and fine for that time, but I didn't want it to be forever.  I ended up taking a big trip on my own (I didn't have kids) and things that happened on the trip jumpstarted me into life again, both through events and people, but also internally and emotionally.  I ended up getting what I wished for soon thereafter - fell into a relationship, became pregnant, moved far away to be with him.  My story is a bit extreme.  (A bit being an understatement perhaps?)  But.  I don't believe in stuff like, "If you will it to happen, it will happen," but it kinda did for me.  I wanted to know what would happen too.  Now I'm 6+ years out, and I know at least part of it.  And you know what's strange?  I feel a bit nostalgic for that time in between, where I was kind of suspended in a strange state somewhere between full devastation on the one hand and immersed in a new life on the other - a no man's land of sorts.  I don't have a real message or lesson here, but thought I'd give you my experience....  I'm thinking of you. 

Loved reading your post. Things like that perk me up a bit and put a smile on my face. So glad you shared.


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