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Crippling fear of losing new husband (4 years out)

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My fiance died a bit over four years ago in an accident. I'm now happily married to NG, and everything is going good.

BUT. I have this huge, crippling, agonising fear that I'll lose him, too. It hits me so suddenly at times - e.g. if he doesn't answer the phone I might get a panic attack and assume that the worst has happened. It comes in different situations and it's so hard to cope with it.

Anyone with the same problem? I'm so tired of starting to irrationally hyperventilate if he's just forgot his phone on mute. I don't panic every time, either, just sometimes, but it's usually really bad when I do. How have you handled these kinds of feelings?

My DH died of a rare cancer and my middle son has a very rare untreatable liver disease so my fears tend to be around anything medical.  When I hear "there is only the smallest chance this could be something serious" I automatically go to "worst case scenario" because it has been my reality before.  I try to hide my anxiety from fiance and my kids but I have had some serious panic attacks in private.

I really don't know how we get over this and no therapist has been able to do anything except give me some coping strategies for when it happens.


--- Quote from: Silwe on September 25, 2017, 09:08:11 AM ---How have you handled these kinds of feelings?
--- End quote ---

By texting NG repeatedly when he's late or doesn't respond, with, "Are you ok?"  "Are you ok?"  "Hey, can you call me?  Are you alright?"

Don't be like me.  I default to death scenarios, immediately, always.  It's no good.  Accident widow 6+ years out.  Hoping to get better in this regard one day.  A girl can dream.

Yes, I understand.

My fears are about me, more often, though.  I just bargain a lot with God, which is silly.  "Please let me get my kid to adulthood."

My husband was a car accident death.  5 yrs., 9 months. But I constantly worry about my health, not an accident so much.
 But I like regular contact with NG.  I want to hear from him daily.  I just need it.

I treat trauma in children, PTSD, abuse.

I am not trained in EMDR.  But I have friends that are, and I am near a large Army post as my DH worked there.  They have a Soldier Center clinic, treating PTSD, private.  Good results from many soldiers.  My friend was trained recently.  I have talked to her about it, as I don't have PTSD, but still have times of panic. Haven't decided to sit on the other side of the couch, yet, but baby steps.

I feel weird that I'm the opposite. I fully expect NG to die of cancer or a motorcycle accident or some other catastrophic event in the next 10 years. It sounds really morbid, but for some reason I have that expectation.

And I'm okay with it. If we get 5 or 10 good years together it was worth it. And I will be okay again. And I will live the rest of my life alright without him. But I will be grateful for the time we had together.


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