Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

A world full of light and love, suddenly full of sorrow and darkness

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Wheelerswife:
Algos,

I am glad you are writing here, especially if you find it hard to talk to people face-to-face, as the emotion gets so overwhelming.  I can't begin to give any feedback about your daughter, so I will leave it to others who may have some wisdom there.

One thing I did after my first husband died was to find one trusted person at work and I told that person some of my truth as well as what I needed or wanted from people.  I worked in a health care environment, so of course, I wanted to be able to hold my emotions in check when I was working with patients.  People did wish to make connection with me, but I hated to be asked. "How are you?"  So...my colleague met with other co-workers (with my blessing) and let them know that the "How are you?" question was awkward for everyone.  My colleagues started to greet me with, "It is good to see you today."  I could respond in kind and nobody felt awkward.

I think that many marriages lose passion over the years, especially when raising children.  I didn't even have that excuse!  There is a reason why the first years of marriage are called the honeymoon period.  You loved your wife and remained devoted to her and your children.  I am glad you were able to find her writings and you have refreshed those deep feelings of love.  The expression of love changes over time.  I can see from your writing just how devoted you were to her.

I would also say that you don't have to maintain any kind of contact with people who are toxic in your life.  I stopped contact with my second husband's mother after she blamed me for her son's death (he died in his sleep of unknown heart issues).  She is a bitter lady and was long before then, but I do not need to be her verbal punching bag.

You are holding a lot of pieces together.  Give yourself credit for that. 

Keep writing.

Maureen

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