Socializing > Social Encounters

I know I'm going to be judged for this

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arneal:
It all takes time, Kaycee. We all have different paces. Due to the circumstances, some of us here are still not ready to let anyone else into our hearts, while others of us embraced that possibility early. Some found that special person while others have not. Some have been hurt, as you have; we are here to support each other, no matter the pace. Remember, your children need you strong. Do what you need to care for yourself and them. While a certain level of vulnerability is sometimes seen as attractive between two people, it can also invite the worst type of people into our lives if we aren't careful with how and why we are vulnerable.

I was 30 when the first husband died. My neighbor's son broke into my house not too many months after; while I was dealing with getting my landlord and the police in order, this neighbor came over to ask if I was okay. I was rattled but angry and said so. He left. A while later, he asked if he could mow my backyard, this scruffy little pass of grass that took me about a half-hour with an electric weed whacker. I said sure. I didn't think any more of it until I noticed a couple months later he had stopped. I went back to tending it myself. One day while walking to the pizza shop, I passed another of my neighbors who told me in no uncertain terms that the man had only done it in hopes of being invited in  :o I was shocked -- the man was married and our houses were so close across the walkway that if his wife stuck her arm out the kitchen window, she and I could hold hands. I was furious.

In that case, I wasn't showing any vulnerability at all. I didn't even really talk to those folks for them to know anything about my life. He still tried to get near me. Just ew!

I share that to say that we have to be careful with our hearts, especially at times like this and for the sake of our children. Know that we are here for you and feel free to ask all the questions you need. Vent as you like. That's what this space is for.

faye:

--- Quote from: Kaycee on October 03, 2017, 10:16:13 PM ---I feel horrible that it even happened.  I should have known better. I do feel bad or the other woman involved. I feel horrible that this went on without me telling her. She didn't deserve to be lied to and I  take responsibility for that.  I just hope she wakes up one day and realizes what a piece of crap he is. I hope everything around him crumbles and he feels the same type of pain I have felt.

--- End quote ---

You didn't have the responsibility to be honest and straightforward with her.  That duty belonged to her live-in partner.  A woman who would monitor his phone call to you and tell him what to say would seem to be an ideal match for him.  I'm sort of puzzling over the idea that you "ruined this by demanding he choose."  She wouldn't be the first person to ignore an affair, so long as her nose wasn't rubbed in it, though.

As someone who had a live-in boyfriend cheat, I was angry with the boyfriend, not the girl he dated. Heaven only knows what he told her.  He probably lied to her.  He lied to me.

Kaycee:
I think he was pretty much telling me that if I had kept my mouth shut and let him have his way that he would have left her when the time was right. He said I argued too much with him and it opened his eyes to how things really were. He sickens me. As long as he was happy everything was fine.

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