Time Frame > Beyond Active Grieving

Three years ago today I buried my Best Friend

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Mrskro:
It's been three years now that I laid him to rest.  Today is much harder than the day he died this year.  I didn't think I was actively grieving anymore but today I miss him, I miss my kids father, my best friend, the other half of my story. 

I'm sad that he isn't here to see our beautiful daughter picking universities and preparing to start the next chapter in her life.  I hate that he's not here to teach her to drive stick shift.  I hate that she's playing on someone else's hockey team instead of his.   I am so proud of the amazing woman she is turning into, that he helped her turn into and so angry that he's not here to see it.

I'm sad that he can't look up to our 6' 3" 15 year old son and see what an amazing kid he is.   I'm devastated that the boy has taken up playing rugby, plays for our Province, plays for an elite international team and he never even got to see him play.   I'm heartbroken that he can't teach the boy about girls and dating, celebrating and teasing him about his not quite there mustache, Ok it's peach fuzz at best.  He should have got to celebrate what a wonderful kid he is. 

I still can't believe in 5 days it would be, it is, our 17th wedding anniversary and he won't be here to celebrate it with me.  How did it get to be 17 years?   I'm sure it was just yesterday we met, fell in love, had our girl, got married, had the boy.  How can we possibly have  17 and 15 year old kids?   and how are you not here to raise them up with me?

Time is a cruel thing, it flies by at times and is devastatingly slow at others.  These have been both the longest, hardest 3 years of my life and at least in relation to the kids the quickest, bitter sweet years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zNf4sOO_mg

Julester3:
Hugs for you!

Bunny:
Been keeping you and your kids in my thoughts this afternoon...thanks for sharing that video, it's been a while since I'd watched it.

Wandasmom:
I can totally relate to this Mrskro. Approaching 3 years myself, I miss him more than ever. I keep thinking "okay, I've done this single parent and head of household thing long enough and I want to have my old life back. I want my kids to have their dad and I want my mate."

And do I ever get angry and sad thinking about how he is missing seeing his sons grow into such great kids. He would have enjoyed them so much. And fhey lost their biggest cheerleader and this person who had an encyclopedic knowledge of things who could have taught them so much about the world and expanded their horizons. They are missing out on so much. It just isn't fair.

We all deserve a lot of credit for doing the best we can without our best friends and partners. It's just so hard to think about how things could have been.

Needytoo:
My thoughts are with you.

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