Author Topic: Help me make a decision?  (Read 690 times)


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Help me make a decision?
« on: October 09, 2017, 10:44:47 PM »
Single mommyhood sucks.  I miss having my partner in making decisions.....
So... My late husband's "bucket list" trip was to go to Washington DC and New York (We live in NorCal.)
He never got to go.
My 8th grade daughter has an opportunity to go with her school this Spring - and I'm struggling with a couple of things.... First - it's a lot of $$$.Like, $3,000....  Second, I want to take the trip with her, I want to show her the things that her daddy wanted to see........and I wouldn't be able to.....

At the same time, I want her to have the opportunity to grow, see the world, be independent, and have this experience....... 

So I did the math and figured out that for about $4,000 I could take both kids and go next summer...... 

Is it unreasonable to ask her to wait? 


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2017, 11:02:25 PM »
Present all this and ask HER.  No guessing, truth and go with what she wants.  Open, honest and thinking of her.
If she chooses school, you can both go together when she is older and she gets a chance to show you some of the things she got to experience.
If she chooses to wait, with no pressure from you, then you di it together for th first time.
Win, win either way.  :)


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2017, 06:37:31 AM »
I agree. You did the background work and now you can give her an opportunity to be a part of the decision making process. It will make your bond stronger. It makes you a team rather than just parent and child and you giving them some trust.

I also have an 8th grader and she opted no on this trip. We have been to DC a few times when their dad was alive and she wants to keep those memories to herself awhile longer.


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2017, 07:41:45 AM »
OOOh that is a tough one. I would discuss it with her but not put the whole decision in her lap. That's a lot of pressure.( heck you are finding it a lot of pressure)

When you discuss it, you can gain a sense of how strong her desire to do it with friends is and take that into consideration when making your decision.The other point is you may see her be very fiscally oriented and willing to take the hit of being without friends because it makes sense financially. ( I have one son that definitely thinks that way, he feels bad if he thinks he is the cause of "wasted money')

Any way good luck with the decision.


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2017, 04:50:37 PM »
That is hard. At first I agreed that you could present her with the options and let her decide.

But then I thought that it might be conflicting for her to have to make that decision.

8th grade trips can be a right of passage for some. Asking her to choose between that and her family may be an emotional burden.

You know her best and can probably weight the pros and cons.

Good luck!



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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2017, 05:52:43 PM »
That’s a really big trip from where you are!  We are in CT so it’s only a 5 hour bus ride for our 8th graders and some still don’t go.

I think talking with your daughter about the options is a good idea but I get concerned with giving the power of decision to someone so young, it could be very stressful depending on her personality. Maybe telling her you want to take her opinion into account when you make YOUR decision. Let her know your pro and con list and then take some time to decide.

Making these decisions alone totally sucks!!! I miss getting to be the “good cop” to DHs “bad cop” and knowing that my kids could turn to their Dad when it was my turn to be “bad cop”.  And just the talking through things with the only other person equally invested in our childrens’ lives.
You will forever be my always.


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2017, 07:33:29 PM »
Thanks, everybody - She and I talked through all of the options and thoughts last night -

We cried together as I told her about her daddy's desire to go on this trip as a family - She agreed that it's something that we can do to honor daddy.... and then she went on to assure me that she's still got her band Disneyland trip and the 8th grade trips this year, and that she'll have plenty of time to travel with friends. 

I'm so proud of her. 

Now, I just have to budget for a trip for all 3 of us.........  Maybe I'll start a new thread about how to sightsee in Wash DC and NY......... 


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2017, 06:18:55 AM »
You'll love DC.  The subway system is pretty good.  A lot of things are free: admission to the Smithsonian, the national zoo...

When you mentioned $3K I wondered how much it would be for your whole family.  Best of luck to you and your daughter. 


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Re: Help me make a decision?
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2017, 11:00:21 AM »
So happy to read your post.  So glad you are making choices.

My son attended the poorer school in town and the other Middle School 8th grade does the DC trip in he spring.  Well, I moved us to a much better school/city and he loves his new school, but no trip.

I did Disneyworld after LH died, He planned the trip for May but died in Jan.  and I moved the dates.  It was so special.  Well, DC is where I want to talk my son this summer.  Let me know any good plans.  He wants to go.  I knew it would be expensive.

Thanks for sharing.