Time Frame > Beyond Active Grieving

Trouble with current boyfriend

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tybec:
Thanks for sharing this.  I am struggling with lots, and it helps to know I am not alone.

I am moody, looking extreme.  From joyous to crying in the shower deeply, hiding it.  I hate it.  I know it will all pass. Things will settle down.  Nothing stays forever in this state.

The last of the lasts are here again.  I am in a new home, new place, and no one knows me except what I share.  It is freeing yet almost feels like a lie.  Just a mess of emotions.

Thanks for the brutal honesty.  It helps to read it.

Mizpah:

--- Quote from: Toosoon2.0 on November 04, 2017, 08:29:48 AM ---"When you turn the corner and run into yourself, then you know you've turned all the corners that are left."
--- End quote ---

I too have trouble with extremes.  As a full-time working professional with a lot of professional responsibility, a long commute, a 3-year-old daughter for whom I'm almost entirely responsible, a partner with really long difficult hours, a partner who's a widower, etc., etc., I spend most of my time being super competent, and trying to be even more so.  It's exhausting.  There's no wiggle room.  There's no relief from ultimate responsibility for all things.  We went out this weekend, just the two of us, and I said, "I absolutely cannot drink much tonight.  You know how the earth has a crust and a mantle, etc., well, I'm more like a thin crust, and just beneath it to the center is thick, burning lava rage."  I'm not sure how much of this is widowhood-related, except that my life with DH was far easier and had way less struggle and way fewer tasks that fell on me, and we didn't have kids....  Anyway, my point: I know what it's like to have an emotional/temper hair trigger.  It's not pretty.  My goal this year is to find patience.  I think that even though it's at times hard for those around me because of this rage, it's way harder to actually be me and carry it inside.  It's not like, "I can't continue like this," because I absolutely can.  I just really would prefer not to.  I'm not sure how to find the path to betterment in this regard.  I'm open to wisdom

CHM1988:
Everyone's posts here mean a lot. People keep saying they can't offer much but just knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with this stuff is so meaningful. TooSoon it's really  brave of you to admit to yourself and to us here that you are unhappy. I know that for me, and what I'm getting from some others here too, is that I so want everything to be fine and great that I won't give into feelings of unhappiness. So I don't get help for them, and I get angry when I feel them and it's just this cycle that totally holds me back. I think admitting unhappiness is a really important step that a lot of people don't do and therefore do not get better from. You are taking an important step!

Sending all the love and support to everyone.

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