Young Widow Forum > General Discussion

I need to be more vulnerable

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Bunny:
Yup, the social section is definitely the most hopping. But - logically speaking- that's just because, in comparison, there is so little participation in the other sections. That's the mystery. And, while it's easy enough to just skip over the Social Section, I admit when I was newly widowed I ventured in there fairly often even though I had no interest in socializing simply for the distraction from my grief and the pure entertainment value. Now, it's just easier to talk about my bf than my lingering issues with anger, anxiety, and loss. I do sincerely wish that weren't the case.

BrokenHeart2:
I do agree with you oneoftwo, I certainly hope you don't mean you're leaving the board!
Thanks Maureen for putting your vulnerability out here!
I too am reluctant to show my vulnerable side but for me I think it's because since I lost DH, whenever I've tried, I've been either shut down or told I'm not doing it right by people that really have no idea what they are talking about.  It's not like I'm doing anything crazy or going wacko either.   I am very reluctant to talk about my concerns, decisions or feeling even with my own siblings (I have 5...yeah, Catholic family LOL) because they still do it so I don't go there with them anymore.  I have to admit I have one brother that doesn't do that too much.  He's a lot like my Dad was (died 29 yrs ago :( )  and for that I am so thankful!
My Mom just turned 85 and is bedridden in a nursing home. She was my rock in my "earlier" grief but sadly now she is not doing well and I don't think she will be with us much longer.
I did post a while back about this board being so quiet and what you all think could be why this is so.  I remember almost 4.5 yrs ago on ywbb (wow, has it been that long) if I missed a couple of hours there would be tons of posts to read and share my thoughts and input.  Not sure why this is not happening here. I don't know how I would have gotten through those excruciating days without all of you, my pillows as I like to call you because you were all my soft place to fall when everything else seems so cold like stone.

Jennica:
Also agree, very quiet. I used to come on every night right before I went to bed to read posts and to feel a bit normal I guess. I have to say, I haven't been jumping on because nothing new has really popped up.

I too hold a lot in. I don't think my family wants to hear how lonely I am or that I MISS my husband so very much. Plus I don't want my parents to worry about me or the kids. I do tend to push my feelings down and just push through. Today, however, I had a good cry. I was playing with my almost 2 year old and she was laughing up a storm, so was I. Then i just started balling because my husband is missing this moment. Of course, I cut my good cry short because my 12 and 9 year old could walk in and ugh, just don't want them to see me like that.

Thanks for starting this post Maureen. Prayers for you and your job search.

Jennica

Mizpah:
Before I say anything about your topic, Maureen, I don't think we should be discouraging people from talking about ANYTHING.  There's nothing wrong with people working through their new relationships, and if there's not a topic going on that fits your needs, create one.  Navigating life post-widowhood is hard, and new relationships can be part of that.  Judging people for leaning on one another during those challenges... it's no good.  I remember being a new widow, and the social/relationship part was always very busy - I rarely read or commented because it wasn't where I was at.  So what?  No harm to me to have other people talk about what they were facing.  We're all in this together.  Or should be.  We should be free to talk about whatever's going on in our widowed lives.  This place is for support, am I right? 

Ok, Maureen.  I'm so sorry.  A few things that came to mind as I read.  Many of us often bristle at being called strong.  I've never really minded it.  He11 yeah, we're strong!  We've had to be.  We've had no choice!  I think we have this conception that being strong cannot happen while we are emotional, or hurting, or feeling need, or feeling lost.  To me, the strength is in grappling with these things - with the events in our lives and in processing them and in making whatever each of us will of them.  Another thing I think: don't underestimate the mental impact of not working.  I had a period of not working in my life, and it threw me for a loop (I also was crashing with my parents for a bit).  You feel outside the world a bit.  You lose a routine that keeps you in some kind of momentum outside yourself.  And don't underestimate the difficulty of living with aging parents, especially where you feel such a cultural not just disconnect but tension/difficulty.  You are in a really hard time.  You're ready, but still waiting.  I've been there.  It's so hard.  And for me, when things are hard in my current life, it makes the loss of my past life hurt that much more.  I'm thinking of you, and hoping for some movement for you in a good direction.  Sending big hugs.

Julester3:
Thanks for sharing Maureen! Hugs! I feel your frustration in your post as you sit in limbo looking for a job and wanting to get setttled but yet you can't! I hope the patience and waiting will end soon.

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