Author Topic: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?  (Read 2044 times)

Leadfeather

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2017, 09:24:54 AM »
Thank you everyone for your advice and opinions. My commitment to what my sons need from me, means this will not happen for about a year if it happens at all. And I am rational enough to know that in a year my life could again change and my feelings on the matter might also change. At this point however I am leaning towards doing it.

In the meantime. I have a nice 8 day ride through Death Valley with an Adventure Cycling tour group to look forward to this coming March.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

mkth

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2017, 03:53:34 PM »
I am so far out now but there are days where it just seems right back where we were.  My husband died in an accident when my children were quite young but 12 years later, my children and my life are exactly where yours are.

I couldn't run away because I had those two children who needed me there 24-7 BUT I do know that when I was away for short periods from the sad faces of friends and families, amongst people who didn't know of my hurt or confusion, there was incredible relief.  I felt that I could claim a bit of my identity back rather been seen purely as the young widow.  Conversations flowed to topics that calmed me and created moments where I remembered I once had interests and ambitions. 

You might find being alone without your children daunting at this point -- there is absolutely no time like the present to carpe diem.  I don't think you will regret it.

My $0.02.

Kathy

Leadfeather

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #17 on: February 23, 2018, 06:17:34 AM »
Today I will be flying to Vegas. Tomorrow I will be taking a shuttle to Pahrump, Nevada, and from there I will be cycling to Death Valley. The trip begins. I was really nervous the last few days; our anniversary and her birthday in the past week coupled with the reality of taking a trip without Christine allowed my mind to spin out some pretty crappy feelings. But this morning I woke up at peace. Not happy but peaceful, which I will take. If the past 15 months have taught be anything, it is tto ride out the emotions as they come.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2018, 06:23:05 AM by Leadfeather »
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Wheelerswife

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #18 on: February 23, 2018, 06:21:49 AM »
Best wishes to you, Leadfeather. I have spent long stretches driving across the country during my years of widowhood. The newness and change puts me into a different mindset and temporarily gives me some peace, also.

I hope you enjoy your trip.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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BrokenHeart2

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #19 on: February 23, 2018, 06:38:52 AM »
Well said LF.  Yes riding out the emotions instead of trying to bury them is a good thing to do!
My first trip really weirded me out.  Especially coming home to an empty house.

Have a good time!
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

trying2breathe

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #20 on: February 23, 2018, 07:13:02 AM »
Best to you on your trip, LF.  Sounds like it will be a wonderful experience.
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Toosoon2.0

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #21 on: February 23, 2018, 10:26:14 AM »
Have a wonderful journey!  At around a year, I took my daughter to Hawaii where we camped on the beach in January, ran around barefoot and wearing only bathing suits for days, hung out with strangers from all over the world,   walked and walked.  It didn't fix everything but it sure was a needed respite.  Send us updates if you feel like it - especially for those of us in the norther climates waiting out the dreary winter. 

A change of scenery always helps me.  Be safe, enjoy! 

Mizpah

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #22 on: February 23, 2018, 11:28:15 AM »
Have fun!!!!

I thought I'd responded to this thread.  I guess not.  At about two years, I went on a pilgrimage to Israel.  Not a religious one, mind you, but to the land where DH was born.  I wanted to feel close to him.  It was amazing.  To travel alone.  (I met up with friends in various places.)  To be in sunshine, outside, without obligations or direction.  To be away from work and responsibilities.  To get out of my literal, physical, geographic comfort zone, and to see that I was at home out in the world.  I felt brave and strong and proud, in a deep down and quiet yet glowing way.  It marked a big change for me, both internally and in my life. 

And then, a few months later, I escaped my life permanently to set up a new one.  But that's another story. 

I hope this will be great for you. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Leadfeather

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2018, 01:57:33 PM »
Thank you everyone. I will keep putting my thoughts up here as they come. And pictures if i have cell reception. Sitting At the airport alone for the first time in well... ever. She would have been here and been so excited. I live here in Beer City USA so there is a nice microbrew pub at the airport. Of course the first song they play is over the sound system when i sit down is the Flaming Lips “Do You Realize”.

Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize we're floating in space,
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry
Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die

Yep I do realize that. Thanks.

« Last Edit: February 23, 2018, 02:00:51 PM by Leadfeather »
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Wheelerswife

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2018, 02:17:02 PM »
Hugs to you!  Those lyrics are heartbreaking.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

hikermom

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2018, 06:16:05 PM »
I didn't do it but I fantasized about it many times in the 5 1/2 years since my husband died. I thought of pulling my daughter out of school and traveling across country with her for a year. But I needed income. I think it could be cathartic for you.

If you head to Vermont (and there is beautiful biking here!!), let me know.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows ...
and this is the wonder that?s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~ e.e.cummings

Milojka

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #26 on: February 25, 2018, 03:22:01 AM »
I realise this post is months old, I just found it now.

I guess you could say I ran away, after the love of my life died. No kids, no responsibilities. This is now 3 years ago. I am still here, and I have no plans to go back.

I live on a small remote island between Scotland and Norway. Nature is beautiful here. I have a great job which gives me purpose and meaning - I look after people around the island. I finaly found a lovely house which I call Home.

For people who have read my previous posts from long ago: the quiet and kind man who drives his sheep from hill to hill is still in my life. It is not a love similar to what I had with my dh. But it is great to have a companion like him. We help each other, we look after each other.

To answer your question: yes it did help.
This very simple life is my new normal now.




TheWidowWhisperer

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #27 on: February 26, 2018, 08:24:33 AM »
I have, not to the extent you're suggesting however. I'm simply not that brave. While I love my own company, and being an observer of people, my relationships feed my soul. Being away from "my people" for more than two weeks feels punitive. I've taken several extended beach holidays and have traveled the Irish countryside and the streets of London on my own. It was informative and restorative. I'm now interested in traveling with friends as I'd like to share the experiences. I still do the beach solo as that feels more like a spa holiday. I think when it comes right down to it, it's very much dependent upon your social needs. Traveling with a group may fulfill your need. Technology has made connectivity ridiculously easy but I'm not sure it can address my sense of homesickness. No matter what you decide it will be right for you at this moment. No one knows you better.
Hoping my experiences can help
https://thewidowwhisperer.com

lost35

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #28 on: March 04, 2018, 03:20:45 AM »
I remember the first airport arrival after Everything Happened...it was so odd to walk out of that metal tube to no one...  Since then, there has been Bella Bella, West Coast BC...one of the most amazing moments of healing, early on... Then Kona, Hawaii.  Warm sun and fruit and coffee and air that smells like flowers.  Home to N. Ireland when little guy was ten months...more therapy!  Last year was LA and Disneyland with sister and brother-in-law.  When not on an airplane we have moved...so yes! Running away does help.  Some how.  I've always thought that movement is good and our mantra was, when in doubt, jump off the jetty!  I hope the movement was what you needed.  I hope it did your heart good.  We are in the midst of planning What Comes Next.  (I still hate airports, but that is not going to stop us).  :)


Leadfeather

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Re: Has anyone runaway? Did it help?
« Reply #29 on: March 04, 2018, 07:40:25 PM »
I have made the Death Valley trip. It was good. Very hard to travel there and travel back. Sad again at home. Airports bring back memories of us happy and together. I will go into more detail about the trip at a later date. One of the other riders lost his first wife at 40, he is now 70. Talking to him was nice. The one takeaway he wanted to me to remember was that even when you it does not feel like it will ever get better, it will get better.

Attached should be two photographs I have processed so far.




« Last Edit: March 04, 2018, 08:56:50 PM by Leadfeather »
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom