Time Frame > Beyond Active Grieving

Need to vent

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CJF:
I was reading another thread that got me to thinking about my current situation and I need a place to lay it all out, so here goes.  I have been miserable.  I think I hide it well, although I am not even sure why I feel the need to hide it.  Maybe because I have a hard time being vulnerable.  It will be seven years here and I feel like I've already been through all the different feelings, emotions, ups, downs that I could possibly go through.  But yet lately I feel lost.  I work full time, help care for my elderly parents, take care of my house and my dog.  My daughter just got married and is out on her own.  My son is away at college.  That was an adjustment for me - to be living alone.  I miss the noise and the hustle and bustle of kids coming in and out of my house.  The few friends who stuck by me are busy with their own husbands and families so although we text often, we don't get together to do things and I get tired of always being the one to initiate the plans.  My life feels empty and I am not sure where to go from here.  I am consumed with worry - I nag my son too much.  I think sometimes my lack of a life makes me get too involved in his and I am not sure how to stop.  Not really interested in dating - probably because I won't let myself be vulnerable.  I think I am afraid to fail. My marriage wasn't ideal and I put up with alot and I don't want to get myself back into a situation like that again.  I wouldn't even know where to look if I did want to date.  I still read here often - sometimes even though I don't post alot, the familiar names make me feel like I am actually keeping up with friends, as odd as that may sound.   I often worry if I don't start living life soon, I am going to end up a very bitter person when I get older and regret all that I didn't do.  It's just hard to find people to do these things with.  I've thought about going back to therapy, but I don't know that that is the answer.  That won't fix the loneliness.  I wish there was a manual on how to "reinvent" one's life.   Sorry for the rambling, but I needed to get this all out.  Thanks for reading :)

Trying:
CJF thanks for being vulnerable here.  Even though each of our stories are different there is often some common thread in there.  I still have some hustle and bustle at home and I have recently remarried but I still suffer from loneliness.  I lost most of my friends and the ones that are around I have kept at arms length.  I have definite moments of happiness but I struggle with depression.  I finally admitted I suffer with depression a few months ago and am now on medication.  It has helped some but I still have days like yesterday and today that I just can't shake it.

So I don't have any magic answers but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I guess if we all had our shit completely together we wouldn't still be here.

klim:
I don't have answers but I'll make suggestions on how to reinvent, maybe you'll see something you'll connect with and some of the lonliness will fade a little.

I myself used meetups to get out and meet a whole new crowd of people. That started my road to reinvention.
I've revisited some solo hobbies( for me it was painting) that made my nights at home alone seem more enriched.
From what others have mentioned here I always thought if this wasn't working for me I'd try some volunteering because it intrisically  that would make me feel good.

I also decided to venture into online dating. My thoughts on that is, as long as you enter into it saying I'll see what this is about, and not ok I'm ready to find my guy...where is he ....where is he and expect instant results , it can be an interesting endeavour.

Hope something allows you to shift your frame of mind. Good luck

Needytoo:
I did the therapy, hobbies and found a few new friends.   I didn't have the greatest marriage as well and one of my biggest wishes was to find someone and have a special relationship.  I too also had that stage where it didn't matter what I did I had that lonely feeling.   I tried the online dating thing and really wasn't great at it. That TRUST thing I think was a huge problem for me.   I was about to have another long break from it all and a guy sent me a message.  I will admit he was different than the other guys and finally, we met and this time it has been fantastic.

Maybe I have reinvented myself hard to say, or I am just more comfortable with myself.  Maybe we need to grieve, get lonely, find our single selves and then when we are lonely we are ready for our new partners?  I know it is a big step, especially when our previous relationship wasn't ideal.  I also don't have really any good answers as well CJF, but I do know how you feel.  Keep posting, that is what I did when I felt the same way you do.

CJF:
Trying -
--- Quote from: Trying on November 06, 2017, 01:33:07 PM --- I guess if we all had our shit completely together we wouldn't still be here.
--- End quote ---
So true!!  Never really thought about it that way but you are so right.  Makes me feel a little more "normal"!!

Klim - thanks for the suggestions.  I do look at the meetups in my area but haven't gone to any.  Maybe I need to push myself more as I am sure that is a good way to make some new friends.  My hobby has always been fixing up my house - painting rooms, redoing furniture, gardening.  But doing that for the past 6 1/2 years pretty much leaves me with nothing left to fix!! LOL.  Maybe it's time to move on to a new hobby.

Needytoo - I agree - I think the trust issue is what is mostly holding me back from dating. When I am ready maybe I'll just have to jump right in and see what happens.

Thank you all for the suggestions, advice and making me feel a little more normal!  LOL

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