Time Frame > Beyond Active Grieving


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Hugs to you Rob. My eldest daughter is a lot like your girls. I don't know how we are doing it but we are trying and we are doing what we can. Peace to you today.

I'm sorry, Rob. All three of my kids who are now 26, 22, and 20 have contributed hugely to my anxiety issues  after losing D five years ago in October. Stuff I didn't need on top of grief. And dealing with the issues on my own has been brutal. So much of their life junk and crises have just seemed very unnecessary and self-induced. I know they are also suffering, but sometimes it seems the lack of insight as to the heartache, stress, and worry they have brought upon me by their actions or lack thereof, is just so incredibly selfish that it boggles my mind. I have spent so much of the past five years waiting for the other shoe to drop in a kid crisis. And these have not been minor issues,  but the kind that brought me and which ever kid was in crisis  at the time to therapy. Oh, the stories I could tell you.

The most helpful thing for my kids has been a dose of maturity. Thank God raising kids is not a static situation.Your girls are younger than my kids. Maturity is a wonderful thing. I think your girls will get there. You are a good dad. That is evident in your postings. You love your  daughters and they KNOW that.  They need to meet you halfway.  I think it will happen.

I can finally say that all three of my kids are in a good place now. I hope it sticks. You actually helped me with some information that got my oldest son on the right track when he dropped out of college unbeknownst to me three years ago. You were familiar with Vancouver and sang its praises when I inquired. That made me feel more confident in sending him there where he attended a very intense year of school and is now employed as a very successful and happy visual effects artist in Vancouver.

I hear you, Rob. This only-parenting thing sucks. Teens are harder than I ever imagined. I read recently that by 16 or so, there is little else you can do. You have spent the years making your rules and your expectations known, it is now time to step back and let them make their way -- be it the right way or the wrong way. Intervening does not bode well any longer, they make their own mistakes and either learn from them, or not. Harder than it sounds.


Another hug to you - parenting solo is difficult even under the best of circumstances.  You're a devoted Dad, evidenced by your concerns and the conversations here.  Agree with abitlost, as hard as it is to step back and allow consequences to play out, oftentimes it's the best possible option in raising teenagers.  It is so hard to watch your child stumble and fall, we're hard wired as parents to cast that wide net and try to catch our child at every turn.

Sending hugs and support Rob.  My boys are now teenagers and doing well academically.  BUT it is a 24/7 job and so much more difficult than when they were younger.  I have found it is not the physical hard work of parenting alone that I faced when they were younger but the mental, emotional, and stressful work of staying consistent and on top of my game when they now are pushing boundaries.   

Just know you have shown such amazing parental help over the years.  Your suggestion for Love and Logic parenting became my instruction book.  The girls will be fine.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  My friends and co-workers have all said " Girls are much more difficult in high school than boys".  Hang in there.


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