Author Topic: Advice needed!!!!  (Read 731 times)


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Re: Advice needed!!!!
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2018, 11:32:57 PM »
Everyday he picks her up after work..they go out to eat (so far it’s Ponderosa, DQ and Bob Evans. Then he runs her to several different stores..I know I sound jealous..but he dates her more than me. I feel like they are the married couple and I’m the “adulteress” whom he sees after everyone else is taken care of.
Does he invite you along?


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Re: Advice needed!!!!
« Reply #16 on: April 06, 2018, 08:53:31 AM »

Unless your NG has a strong backbone to set appropriate boundaries with his mother, or the mother steps up and recognizes that her adult child would benefit from having a mate into his golden years, hopefully living way past her demise, it is not a great looking situation.  At this point, any time taken from her is going to put you into a "taker" from her, not an addition to the family that would be highly beneficial to her son. 

My MIL was moving in like this. She moved to our town when her mate of 7 yrs. passed. My late husband was her only son, and she definitely felt his role was to take care of her. My LH set boundaries with her, did what he needed, but on his time as he had a wife and young child to care for. After his death, she started saying things to our son to set him up as her care taker as he got old enough.  I cut that apron string.

My parents were the opposite. Get training, education, and go and do.  I did take care of my mother for years,  as she moved to ME but she was independent and we used hired staff and then a facility for her needs.  She had taken care of my father with alzheimers for years until she could not. She did not wish that for us, and especially, her young widowed daughter and grandson.  I am thankful for all she did and allowed.  It could have been very different.

My bestie talked to me yesterday. Her mother became ill, hospitalized in Jan. She lives 2 hours away and in a home that is not appropriate for her safety.  And my best friend and her brother are carrying the load since JAN!  Her mother refuses to move, and her brother flies in every other weekend because he can.  It is crazy.  My selfless friend is stressed, working, taking family leave, and her marriage and family life is now suffering.  She is happy to care for her lovely mother, but her life is in a disarray as her mother won't budge.  I feel for her but when it is okay for elderly parents to dictate what they want and have everyone else cater, set up for losing jobs, relationships because of their needs/wants?

I may get some negative feedback from this, but I have been there, done that and am thankful for my parents' willingness to not ask their adult children to sacrifice everything.   I took good care of my mother up until the end, and her needs and mine were met albeit with help from others.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2018, 10:11:05 AM by tybec »


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Re: Advice needed!!!!
« Reply #17 on: April 08, 2018, 04:05:07 PM »
I agree Tybec!

We had a good weekend..2 days/nights away from his Mom (just my kids).. We were out of town for a ball tournament. But today he’s back to the grind.

I’m compartmentalizing my feelings now..when we are together I’ll enjoy it, have fun. But it is what it is.
He wants no one else..nor do I (at this moment).. But I’m not going to completely look at the 2 of us as in “ the long haul”.  I’m in a tiny town in WV..pickings are very small here..and my focus is my kids for the next few years. But I’m back to “thinking like a jerky dude”. (I really hate being that way...but it’s either that or end it..and I don’t want to end it at the moment.

Maybe she will run off with a farmer. I doubt it..but anything can happen I suppose. I do know I will never live out there nor take care of her. So we are what we are..
B.W.H. 9/24/2007


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Re: Advice needed!!!!
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2018, 02:18:17 PM »
{{{hugs}}} Sugarbell!

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b