Getting married without the wedding

[daysofelijah]

Did anyone not do a wedding? NG suggested mid May to get married. I want to get married, but I have no desire to do a wedding again. If I can talk him into it, I'd just as soon have a very small, short ceremony at the courthouse or someplace small. Between us we have 6 kids. I would really love for it to just be us and the kids. His sons will be 18 and 21 in May so they could be the witnesses I think. Just do that on a Saturday afternoon and then all go out for dinner afterwards? Then have a small reception for family later in the summer maybe.
 
My parents would probably be mad, but I've stopped trying to cater around them being mad about me not doing the right thing anymore. Life's too short.

[Wheelerswife]

I did the wedding for 2 on the beach in Hawaii. We met a couple from Australia when we were there and asked them to be our witnesses.

We were happy.

Maureen

[Toosoon2.0]

We went to the courthouse and then had a really nice meal, went out for some drinks and told everyone we met we had just tied the knot, spent the night in a B&B nearby - that was in February.  It was great!  There were visa/green card considerations so we wanted to do it as soon as we had permission.

We had a big back yard party for anyone who wanted to come in July.  My best friends are spread out from TX to NC to Philadelphia to Boston but they all came the day or two before and we had a little party just with the besties the night before the big party and they helped us on the day of to pull it off.  My daughter had a gaggle of kids here for the party and a pinata and both of Andy's kids were here from England.  We do a lot of work with refugees so we had the party catered with homemade foods made by refugees.  It was great! 

Do what you want to.   It is your marriage.  People will have to deal.  Just mho.  Happy for you, fellow GBM traveler.  xoxoxox

[tybec]

IF I do get married again, no big wedding.  Did it once, and no need to do it again. 

Do what you want, like TooSoon stated.  Others will deal.  Who wants to spend that kind of money unless you just have it? A lovely wedding celebration can be made without breaking the bank.  Meaningful probably is the most important for us now. 

If I get married again, I hope we will go somewhere, maybe with the kids, maybe not, and we will let people know we are there getting married. Come on if you wish. 

I like the idea of having a reception/party/BBQ, whatever later if you want to celebrate with others.

[Trying]

We had our 5 kids, our siblings, and my mom.  We included our immediate family because, well, we like them, lol.  It was also important for me that they all got to see our 5 kids being happy for us and with each other and the vows we made to each other's kids.

If we didn't get along or felt unsupported by our families  I would have done it without them no problem.

You get to decide what is right for you and who you want to share this special moment with.

One thing I suggest is to make it special and meaningful for the two of you.  Initially I didn't want any fuss or ceremony but H. suggested it should be treated as an important event because it is.  In the end I wrote the ceremony myself and we each wrote our own vows.  I felt like we really honored our love and commitment to each other.  You can make it meaningful in a court house, a backyard or a chapel and the two of you get to define what makes it meaningful.

Like you said, life is too short. 

[serpico]

If I can talk him into it...

I think this is an important consideration. I see a lot of ‘do what you want’ here, but your fiance’s desires are just as important as yours. If you have to ‘talk him into it’, it makes me think that it wouldn’t be his first choice. Maybe a compromise is in order?

[fairlanegirl]

What Serpico said - without knowing your circumstances. My partner and I are not cohabiting or married but have talked about it and it is likely one day. I would have no need for a big do, although happy enough to have one, but he has never been married, would love to marry one day, and has a lot of nice friends whom I'm sure would love to be there for his 'big day', so I would do it for him. Am sure there is a compromise there somewhere.

[tybec]

Umm, I assumed and that may be a mistake, but the YOU do what you want IS you and your fiance.  I didn't consider it as a unilateral decision as a COUPLE is marrying, not one person. 

You will find a way for you and your SO to marry that fits your wants/needs.   

[Trying]

What Tybec said^
“You” implies the couple. Apologies if that wasn’t understood.

[Leadfeather]

What Tybec said^
“You” implies the couple. Apologies if that wasn’t understood.

i am from the northern states, but the company I work for is based down south. I think we should all adopt the word Y'all as it clears up this little issue with the English language. 

Oh and if it matters I am in full agreement with the advice given here. It is y'all's (am I spelling that correctly?) day do what is right for you and let the chips fall where they may.

[Toosoon2.0]

I think it is implied that the couple decides together.  What I meant is that the rest of your families - if the two of you want to do something else - will deal.  We chose to go off and do it ourselves - no kids, no family - but then with the big party we had, we let all three of our children have some more input and more active participation.  That's what worked for us.  I invited Scott's Dad though I knew he wouldn't come.  We said no gifts, some of my relatives brought them anyway.  We told my mother only middle eastern food, she brought a tray of macaroni and cheese from Costco anyway.  But for the most part we did it our way and those little things meant nothing in the end.  The important thing is to enjoy it, whatever "it" turns out to look like!

[daysofelijah]

Thanks everyone for your ideas and advice.

We talked a little about it this weekend. I don't think he really knows what he wants and will probably go along with whatever. He likes to talk about plans, but most of the time it's just in a dreaming type way. I pull him back to reality 

But I would like his input. In the past he's talked about a big wedding with a dance, but yesterday he talked that that wasn't really realistic.

Then he started talking about taking a week and flying somewhere to get married. But I don't think that's the best plan either. Not with me having younger kids still.

I asked at our regular Sunday brunch restaurant about having a ceremony/reception there, so I might call and talk to the manager about that. Or the county has a ceremonial courtroom. Or we could just do it in a park somewhere too. We will figure it out and make it a good day for us.

[Captains wife]

First of all, congrats! I remember your earlier posts and I'm so happy for you. I think for a 2ndwedding all the usual pomp and circumstance isn't needed. Just small and meaningful. It saves a lot on $$ too.

[klim]

 My brother in law had a second wedding . He hired a justice of the peace, went to a pretty location, the bride had a bouquet and there were two witnesses and no guests. It was beautiful and meaningful.

[faye]

i live in an area that is frequently used for destination weddings.  If y'all were to Google 'destination wedding package' with a part of the county/country/world where y'all would like to marry, Google would accommodate.
Venues sometimes provide everything from appetizers and zither accompaniment.  BTW, if you get a marriage licence and actually use it, you have had a 'wedding' - which is separate from having a lavish reception with dinner and dancing. 

NG is talking about a wedding. How many people would come from your side of the family, he asked.  Maybe six.  Maybe. It's not that we're a dysfunctional bunch, but we are low-key.