Author Topic: I'll never......  (Read 1465 times)


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I'll never......
« on: November 27, 2017, 11:29:29 AM »
I had a lot of preconceived notions about things.  I thought I would never..... fill in the blank.  I wrote on the old board I would never date again.  I was happy to have had a once in a lifetime love, and it was good enough for me.....     Almost 2 years of dating NG.  I thought I would live in the same town until my son at least graduated.  I moved 4 months ago.  I thought I would retire from my old job.   I left at 19 yrs. and started my own practice.   I thought I would always be close to the in-laws since they were ingrained into my life for almost 3 decades. Now I find it hard to make time for them, my family and now, meeting NG and his family.  They never visited before DH died, so they certainly don't reach out now.  I just had all these ideals, and life threw me curve balls.  I have learned to punt.  I AM LEARNING to stretch out my beliefs and ideas about what is okay for me. 

Beyond grieving.  WHO is this woman?   ;)

What is your "I'll NEVER....."?
« Last Edit: November 27, 2017, 11:31:19 AM by tybec »


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2017, 01:27:29 PM »
Ha ha!  So many "I am never going to *fill in the blanks*"  And I reneged on every single one!  I swore up and down, left and right, backwards and forwards that I would never, EVER date again; that it would be just us two girls against the world.  So much for that!  And it happened where and when I was least expecting it might even be possible.  Go figure!!  The "I'll nevers" need to go the way of the "shouldas, wouldas and couldas" in my opinion.  We all know better than most that life changes and we change with it. 


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2017, 01:45:11 PM »
Great Post!

I too had some of these, and then life took its course and so many things changed for me. I am involved with my NG for almost five years now. I said 'I'll never move away from my community.' The trauma for my kids of losing their father was so great that I wanted to keep everything the same. Nope. I moved across town and have seen the possibility of moving to another state or country. I never thought this would be me!     


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2017, 08:09:56 PM »
I said I would never change my career and it never would have occurred to me that I would open my own business.  When he knew he was dying and said "when you marry again..." I said I would never, and here I am, married.  I said I would never move until youngest graduated highschhool, I moved (only across town) when he was in 6th grade.

Then there is the "I will never smile again" "I will never fall asleep without crying" "I will never forget every detail about his illness and dying"

Many days I wonder who am I?
You will forever be my always.


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2017, 08:17:17 AM »
I believed I'd never have real feelings for someone again.  I didn't think I'd be alone forever necessarily, but I thought it wouldn't ever reach to the center level inside me ever again, I didn't think I'd ever feel that magnetism, that draw to someone that is of course part lust but part something more - more than personality, more than sex, more than compatibility, more than emotional attachment.  I thought that died with him.  It didn't. 

I thought all my (unconceived, unborn) babies died when he died - I thought I'd never be a mother.  I now have a 3 1/2 year old. 

I thought I'd never leave the City (except *MAYBE* for another city).  Now I live out in the country and we're about to buy land. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2017, 08:57:32 PM »
Immediately after he died..the prescription pills started..lots of them.

Thought for sure they would always be part of my life...couldn’t imagine functioning in my new reality without them. And here almost 6 years later...drug free.

Don’t have any other “nevers”..was too foggy headed at the time.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2017, 08:16:25 PM »
I was taught to never say never ;)...except maybe in the positive sense of Never give up!

I did say I probably won't need any of my sexy lingerie....  I thought who would ever find me sexy other than my LH. Threw them all out....could use some of those now! oooops!!


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2017, 12:45:27 AM »
My mom also said, "never say never." I can't imagine selling my home and moving, but you never know.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2017, 02:50:59 AM »
Get married again! I feels really good though...
I don't think I could even wrap my head around it 6-9 months ago and then he asked and it just felt so right.
I'm coming up on 7 years widowed. My journey has been amazing to look back at and realize what I've accomplished. I just know DH is smiling & proud.
Never could've imagined writing this and completely believing it. lol


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2017, 07:47:46 PM »
D and I actually talked about this very topic. Because we owned a growing and complex business, it was more about what I would do if he died. I said I would have to sell the business and move because I couldn't handle the business on my own, and I would want to leave the area as there would be nothing for me here. I would want to be in the area where I lived during  my 20s.

 I still have the business. After a year and a half of many tears and angst over finding competent, trustworthy, and non-ego driven  management, my husband's friend who lives a state away and owns the same type of business offered his help. Thank God. He actually came in and did an undercover boss type gig to assess the issues and employee conflicts firsthand.  I ended up hiring him to oversee the company and he cleaned house and hired new management. Five years later we are in a very good place and he still oversees general operations.  I am so grateful. D would be very proud and happy of where the company is today.

I never imagined I would still be here carrying on his legacy five years later.


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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #10 on: December 29, 2017, 03:06:55 AM »
There were so many things I thought I would never have...I wasn't a Mom, but then ten days later, I got the news, so that is a very big something.  I would never love anyone ever again...believe me, I wish I could, but I just can't.  It's still impossible.  Year Nine.  Next year is year ten and all I can think about is that first afternoon in the backyard when I couldn't figure out how I was going to get through an entire twenty-four hours without hearing his voice.  Now it is how do I get through the next ten years? And the next?  I really wish the, "I'll Never's" would be a thing of the past.  But they are not. It's good to hear all your stories of surviving and thriving. Perhaps it will just take more time for me?  Otherwise,  I've made it through the first bit,  so I can make it through the next!



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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2018, 08:25:02 PM »
There have been things in my life I thought would never change because I was in a good place with them. Never said such a thing when things felt miserable. I grew up moving every few years (my Dad's job transferred him all over the place) and feeling too cemented in my life was a dangerous thing.

When John died I looked at it as a challenge- nothing inspirational but more that I got handed something that would be very, very hard to overcome or adapt to (whichever). And I knew I could overcome and or adapt. It was a little bit angry of me right at the first though. Now I have a much better attitude. I took off my helmet. But only after I had knocked down anything and everything in my way.

There are always things I could never even imagine. Life is just so FILLED with those things I decided a long time ago to go with the flow. Although at first it was remarkably like jumping off of the top of something high enough to kill me and having faith that whatever was best for me was what would happen...reckless. I've lived my life avoiding spontaneity but this was something different. The worst had already happened, right?

When I was an active participant on Ywbb I would read posts that spoke of NEVERS and think- not smuggly but ALMOST- well she doesn't have a clue what is just around the corner. I would see these widows lives just...blooming.



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Re: I'll never......
« Reply #12 on: January 24, 2018, 07:37:23 AM »
I remember a discussion with a good friend of mine early on when she suggested there would be a time when I'd be open to new love. I was so angry at that suggestion I thought I could NEVER get there.  Here I am 5 years later and yes it is possible! I'm so enamored with someone wonderful and look forward to each new day of contact with her.

Never say never...I was always a James Bond, I guess I forgot about that for a while.
Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.