Time Frame > Beyond the First Year (1+ years)

I looked at the reports

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It's been sitting sealed in an envelope in my filing cabinet for over a year. The detailed report on what happened the day of the accident. I honestly never thought I would read it. Then, during my sorting today I pulled it out. And without a hesitation I put it in the computer and reviewed every single page on the CD. There we photos of the accident. There were detailed descriptions of what happened. I have no idea why I did it. And oddly I'm okay. Maybe it's because I'd already read the witness statements. Maybe it's because the cops already roughly described things too me a month after it happened. There were no pictures of him. I'm worried now this will be like a ticking time bomb and I'll have a nuclear meltdown in a few days after it absorbs. Why did I do that?

Why?  Hard to say.  Mayhap the question Why not?

What wouldn't you do for another glimpse of a smile?  What wouldn't you do for another taste of a kiss?  What wouldn't you do to hear the voice?  What wouldn't you do to feel the warmth of an embrace.  What wouldn't you do to catch a scent drifting around?

Memories get delivered many ways.  Some we choose, some not.  Take comfort these are memories you have plucked off the shelf to peer at.  Reminders . . . .  always reminders.  Please do not fear these.  Life's greatest treasures lay on the other side of fear I have found.

My husband did not die in an accident. But it still took me many monthe before I  could read the report. But at that late date I had to. As did you. Our brains can absorb a bit more now. I  think at some point you just have to read it

I was told so many things, many of them conflicting, during those first few months. People told me things they really never should have considered appropriate of healthy. For the longest time I worried about gruesome nightmares (even typing this I worry I've evoked something in my subconscious). The things is...the psyche is an interesting thing. Most of what comes to us in our sleep is helpful and most of what comes to us while awake can't hurt us. Try not to doubt your instincts.


I read the preliminary accident report from my husband’s accident soon after his death and that was quite bad enough. I don’t think I could take a more detailed report with photos.


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