I think widowed people have an appreciation for some things that the divorced simply can't because being devastated by death changes your perspective in some pretty radical ways. Yes, both events cause major heartbreak, but the emotional changes just seem to manifest themselves differently. This became extra clear to me recently when reading poetry by two women- one widowed, one divorced. Both heartbroken but so different.
It's irritating two adults can't get their shit together enough to co-parent, irritating they can't realize life is short and beautiful and they should appreciate the extra set of hands and heart to raise their children- that it is a gift to be able to give a child two parents, a joy to have someone to share in the triumphs and the disasters- even if the marriage is over. Yes, it's especially maddening to witness when you are juggling all of the balls all by yourself. Widowed have a lot more in common with single parents than with divorced parents.
As the divorced man who tried to court me explained oh so eloquently: widowed people are sad their spouse is dead, divorced people wish their spouse was dead. Talk about a serious mood killer... so, I guess maybe some divorced people envy what they view as a much less messy situation and thus deem it easier to be widowed. And hey- maybe after viewing some of the batshit crazy stuff their ex can pull, you might see how that thought can occur to them.
