Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

having waaaaay too many bad days

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roch82:
I will be starting nursing school in January, so that'll be a nice distraction.. I just hope my grief doesn't get in the way of my potential success... damn, I really don't even wanna live anymore.. I have 3 children, but they aren't even giving me the motivation to live.. wtf?! That's not okay.. I can't leave them parentless.... I don't know how much more I can take 😭 this pain is too much

Wheelerswife:

--- Quote from: roch82 on December 03, 2017, 04:36:18 AM ---I will be starting nursing school in January, so that'll be a nice distraction.. I just hope my grief doesn't get in the way of my potential success... damn, I really don't even wanna live anymore.. I have 3 children, but they aren't even giving me the motivation to live.. wtf?! That's not okay.. I can't leave them parentless.... I don't know how much more I can take 😭 this pain is too much

--- End quote ---

I’m so sorry you had to join this club. I was in school when my second husband died unexpectedly and school gave me purpose and a place to be every day and deadlines for reading and assignments. That helped me put one foot in front of the other to move through the days and weeks and months.

If your school has counseling services, take advantage of them. I found that having someone to listen to me and my woes helped me to have a place to dump them, if you will, so I could focus on other things.

Be kind to yourself.

Hugs,

Maureen

MadPage:
Roch82

Continue rambling. Definitely continue rambling on this board. Get everything you want to share out in the open.

If you need to repeat it over and over again.
If you need to repeat it over and over again.
If you need to repeat it over and over again.
Then do so.

Keeping in bad feelings is like keeping in yellow phlegm. Both of them make you sick until you release them from your body.

jeudi:
I can look back and clearly remember how hard it was in those first months- pretty much the first year. And i hope that doesn't make things too scary. Mizpah- such sound wisdom. "Only way through is through." There isn't really a way out- it is and will always be this terrible thing that happened in your life. For me it is the worst thing and I sure hope nothing worse is possible for me in this life.

Before my LH died I knew he was dying and I remember thinking I could do it. I could get through it. I could survive it.

And there were waaaaay too many bad days when I sat on the end of our bed and wept at the sheer misery. I remember feeling like I was chained there as though enslaved.

This was fifteen years ago. Although I clearly remember those chained to the end of the bed days it is now truly a memory. I feel stronger for having survived. I feel grateful that I didn't lose myself in the horror of it all. I feel happy to have had him in my life. It feels amazing to have still more in front of me.

Some folks have a life that is so neat and perfect and safe. For some of us though...there are stains. We get the storms with the thunder and lightning and wind but eventually we figure things out and really? We are better for it. More wisdom to share, substance, true grit, depth of character. Sucky but OH SO TRUE. It will take you a bit of time to get to this place and please, please, please don't feel in a rush to get there. This deep grief is yours...ultimately it is what will help you. Don't gloss over it. This loss is not in a meadow- you need a sturdy plow because it is a rocky place. The end of the field is...there, somewhere.

I am so sorry you are still in in the midst of all of these waaaaay too many bad days. It WILL become more tolerable. You WILL have some good stuff that will mix itself in. Some of this you will have to force and some will just happen like a soft, warm breeze.

Best to you. Best wishes, best thoughts. Patience is important. Go easy with yourself. Time will pass in ways you don't yet imagine.

xoxo

Judy

Mrs Reader:
I love this board. And all you fellow widdas here. After a terribe Christmas I am having a magically good day.
And Roch, you will have those too, I promise. Not now but eventually you will. These wise people here are so good, listen to them. I listened, read everything and I still come back here on bad days, good days and boring days. It always works.
Hugs!

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