Author Topic: New widow in first month, so hard  (Read 420 times)

IAYoungWidow

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New widow in first month, so hard
« on: December 04, 2017, 11:13:42 AM »
Hi I am a 52 yr old who lost her husband of 15 years on October 27th. To say that it was an understatement is putting it mildly. He was in the hospital for a brown heel, ended up with a blood infection that ended in a clot in his left lung that led to cardiac arrest - he was in my arms when he went into cardiac arrest. I can not get that moment out of my head nor can I get over the fact that we didn't get last words together because he never recovered from the cardiac arrest.

This was all on top of a rough year to begin with. I lost my father on March 15 and my father in law on August 2nd. I feel as though every single important man in my life is now gone and my head is reeling. Trying to carry on the family business and 3 estates has been incredibly hard. 

I am blessed that my kids have been fantastic, but they are grown and have to have their own lives, so trying to continue to pick up the pieces and find my new 'normal' has been so hard.

Please someone tell me that it gets better. I am now on more anti-depressants and anxiety mess than normal because it is the only way I can sleep at night.

Julester3

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Re: New widow in first month, so hard
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 01:52:10 PM »
So sorry you had to experience so much loss in a short amount of time. Does it get easier? Yes and no - the hurt and pain softens over time differently for everyone but grief can always follow you like a shadow. For me it took a lot of mental work on myself and for my children's I could help them: processing the loss, understanding we had no control, knowing we could not have done anything different to prevent it, and simply accepting the loss. I often tell my girls we never have to like our situation. It will always suck however we need to accept it and understand that it did happen and was not in our imaginations. Getting rest and taking of yourself is important. Just be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. There is no race to complete, no strict or formal timeline to follow so do what is best for you. No one can dictate that to you. Hugs!

Portside

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Re: New widow in first month, so hard
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 02:13:28 PM »
Hello IAYW -

Yes, it does get better and easier over time. Just do the best you can and taking one step at a time is the key to recovery.

Good luck - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

MadPage

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Re: New widow in first month, so hard
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2017, 03:50:40 AM »
It is with sorrow that I read your post. Lean on the kids as much as they allow. You will know when it is to much by the hesitation in their response. Your new normal will not be found for some time from now. There is no need to look for it. You will know it when you feel it. And it will change just as it use to. Slowly.

As far as getting better, that depends on your definition of better. It does become easier to live with. You will have some days of true happiness down the road. My best explanation to the healing process......it becomes different.

Some advise about the meds (i am not a doctor. I am one that has used meds for your issues). Being medicated is not always a good answer. Being properly medicated is a great tool to utilize. The first prescription they give you may not be the best one for you. If after taking something for a week you feel out of control. Talk to your doctor and explain the issues you are having with the drug. You may find that the dose is to high or to low. That your body doesn’t react well to the drug. Ect.....

I would also recommend you discuss a sleeping pill to put you to sleep. Anxiety and depression drugs are useful. But if you are taking enough to put you to sleep. You are basically taking to much and getting high.

I hope this helps some. These are my opinions from dealing with some of the things you posted about and other legs of my journey with grief.
"One more day, one more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
One more day". (Diamond Rio)