Author Topic: The Silence  (Read 501 times)


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The Silence
« on: December 07, 2017, 08:53:46 PM »
I lost my wife of 27 years Dec 5. She had alot of medical issues and I knew there would be a day when I would lose her. It was very hard to see her pass away for sure and I brushed myself up resigned to the fact I'm on my own now. But yesterday and now today, I found myself just staring at our couch for about 10 minutes, this is where she always loved to sit and watch TV and I was struck by the silence and the absence. Has this happened to anyone else? Every time I go into the living room and see the couch it hits me.


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2017, 09:04:15 PM »
Oh, yes.

My first husband died after a long decline and, even though I was very well prepared for him to die, I realized I was not prepared for him to be dead!

It has been just a couple of days for you.  You may be in shock.  Nothing is okay right now, is it?  I'm so sorry you lost your beloved wife.  I hope there are people surrounding you right now and helping you get through this initial period of time.

Come here and read and post to your heart's content.  We understand.

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2017, 09:11:06 PM »
Yes so many reminders....and yes it seems quiet....because something ....someone is missing.

The strangest for me were when things happened when I was out and about and I thought "oh I should tell Mike about this when I get home".......yeah that wasn't going to happen .  So that was the  longest lasting , something missing feeling,that I had to get used too.

This site was good for me. It made me feel normal.


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2017, 09:37:54 PM »
Absolutely, yes. And I'm so sorry you're having to experience this. The awareness of your Love's absence is, sadly, part of our shared experience of having lost our Loves. Every loss of each of us us here is unique in its own way, yet we share this common experience, and get how profound the loss is when you lose your mate.

Peace to you.


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2017, 05:39:28 AM »
Yes. I also was with my wife for 27 years, she died just over a year ago. There are still times that the silence of the house fills my spirit with her absence. In fact I wrote about it in a Facebook post to friends just yesterday,

"Working from home today and i am taking lunch in the living room looking at the shelves Christine built. On those shelves are the sculptures she carved, her favorite childhood books, stones we gathered from across the United States, pictures we took, and her ashes. On the mantle, which she also built, is a pot she threw, driftwood she gathered and more stones. The walls were painted by her. The floor was refinished by her. There is not an inch of this house that she had not touched.

The snow is falling silently outside in the yard where she used to lay in the summer sun. She is missed."

Know that others understand.

« Last Edit: December 08, 2017, 06:01:33 AM by Leadfeather »
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2017, 09:47:31 AM »
Hi Top,
So sorry for your loss.
Yes this Silence has become part of our life. I am little more than a year out but want to tell her so many things but know can`t.


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2017, 10:25:28 AM »
Ahh, the silence.  My husband lived out his terminal cancer diagnosis like an 18 month work of public performance art and for performance art to be effective, you have to have an audience!  I basically hosted an 18 month open house with people, sometimes lots of people, in and out of our house, the audience for the performance.  I can't tell you what that was like for me but it certainly didn't come naturally but these are the gifts we give to the dying, to the people we love. 

But my god the silence afterward almost made me crazy.  It was louder than any gig I've ever been to.  It never occurred to me that silence could have such volume.  It does get better though, I promise.  I made friends on this board and we must have clocked hundreds of hours on the telephone just to keep the silence at bay.  It helped me.  Sending you support and understanding.


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Re: The Silence
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2017, 10:26:15 AM »
Yes, the silence is profound.  I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly just before our 27th wedding anniversary.  I stare at his spot on the couch and picture him there all the time.  This morning I am sitting in his spot by the fire - hoping it will snow.  The silence brings such a strange sense of absence and presence.  It is difficult to describe.