Author Topic: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos  (Read 5374 times)

JacklessSally

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #15 on: April 10, 2015, 11:35:47 AM »
Well turns out, I can not have the photos.

I have known this now for about a week. It sucks, it hurts... it makes me keep the thought alive that he is out there. UGH
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

Lisa

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #16 on: April 10, 2015, 12:28:20 PM »
Hugs. I hope you are still seeing your counselor. Give yourself time.
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

Jen

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2015, 02:33:59 PM »
Been away a few days, but wanted to add some more (((((HUGS))))))
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

JacklessSally

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2015, 03:45:52 PM »
Thank you ladies.

We are considering going in to the medical examiners office, kicking and screaming asking to just SEE a picture. Promising that we will not photograph or run away with the images.

I reached out to the first responder photography group that posted pictures from the accident. I had reached out to them the night of the accident asking if they would release images of Blaine's car. They said that when the got home, they deleted all of the images because he was still in the vehicle. I wish they had held onto them...
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

Lisa

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #19 on: April 14, 2015, 06:16:39 PM »
Im not really understanding this need to see pictures. It isnt my business but I really urge you to speak with your counselor.
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

keeptrying

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #20 on: April 15, 2015, 06:37:15 PM »
There could be many reasons. Why when there is a horrible accident all the cars drive slow and try to look? Pretty morbid.
 Because our reality has been smashed, and now there is no more reality, we don't really know if this is real or not. I am scared to see, but I want to. Every day doesn't seem real. He couldn't die, he promised me he wouldn't. Maybe it is a mistake? Maybe he secretly was kidnapped by the CIA? I need closure, I need to make sure, maybe it will help to move on? Maybe it won't. Maybe it isn't him in the photos and he will come home one day. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe someone has lied to me about what really happened. Maybe the horrible images in my head of me imagining the same thing, picturing the same thing every day when I wake up (when I don't want to) will go away. Maybe it will scar me even more. I want him, I want them to be wrong. I want this to be a complete misunderstanding. Was it painful? Did he look like he was at peace? Were his eyes open? I hope not. There are way more questions, emotions tied into this. The not knowing kills me, the knowing may just kill me more. Being without him kills me, hoping he walks through the door, kills me waiting for him. I just want all the pieces to the puzzle. I want to move on, move forward. Anything I can collect to do this. Will it help, or pull me back. I don't know. That is the problem. I DON"T KNOW.. I am grasping, grasping desperately for ANYTHING.. I want, need and will take anything at this point. I don't know what I want or what I need, but I know it is something, so I will take anything I can get.

serpico

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #21 on: April 16, 2015, 08:47:21 AM »
^^^ Yeah, that says it all.

LisaPop, trust me, there is a need for some of us accident widow(er)s to see pictures.  I talked to my counselor prior to doing so and she essentially told me that my curiosity was completely normal and that NOT seeing the visuals would likely hurt me more than seeing them since they were so 'top of mind' for me.  Of course every case is different, but I think JacklessSally has a good reason for her curiosity here.
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JacklessSally

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #22 on: April 16, 2015, 09:11:29 AM »
There could be many reasons. Why when there is a horrible accident all the cars drive slow and try to look? Pretty morbid.
 Because our reality has been smashed, and now there is no more reality, we don't really know if this is real or not. I am scared to see, but I want to. Every day doesn't seem real. He couldn't die, he promised me he wouldn't. Maybe it is a mistake? Maybe he secretly was kidnapped by the CIA? I need closure, I need to make sure, maybe it will help to move on? Maybe it won't. Maybe it isn't him in the photos and he will come home one day. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe someone has lied to me about what really happened. Maybe the horrible images in my head of me imagining the same thing, picturing the same thing every day when I wake up (when I don't want to) will go away. Maybe it will scar me even more. I want him, I want them to be wrong. I want this to be a complete misunderstanding. Was it painful? Did he look like he was at peace? Were his eyes open? I hope not. There are way more questions, emotions tied into this. The not knowing kills me, the knowing may just kill me more. Being without him kills me, hoping he walks through the door, kills me waiting for him. I just want all the pieces to the puzzle. I want to move on, move forward. Anything I can collect to do this. Will it help, or pull me back. I don't know. That is the problem. I DON"T KNOW.. I am grasping, grasping desperately for ANYTHING.. I want, need and will take anything at this point. I don't know what I want or what I need, but I know it is something, so I will take anything I can get.

KT, you hit the nail on the head so hard here! So many things that are going through my head about my love is in this comment. I have a VERY hard time believing that this is what truely happened. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words when I could not. Thank you *hugs*. I am sorry you are going through this as well dear.
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

JacklessSally

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #23 on: April 16, 2015, 09:13:24 AM »
^^^ Yeah, that says it all.

LisaPop, trust me, there is a need for some of us accident widow(er)s to see pictures.  I talked to my counselor prior to doing so and she essentially told me that my curiosity was completely normal and that NOT seeing the visuals would likely hurt me more than seeing them since they were so 'top of mind' for me.  Of course every case is different, but I think JacklessSally has a good reason for her curiosity here.

The not knowing I think is what kills us. We spend so much of our time fabricating what happened because it does not make sense to us. My counselor thought it may be a good idea for me to see them, maybe it would bring me some sort of.. relief.
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

keeptrying

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #24 on: April 16, 2015, 09:15:00 AM »
Im not really understanding this need to see pictures. It isnt my business but I really urge you to speak with your counselor.

I think Lisapops quote needs to be under the thread with - Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said

!. You are crazy, I urge you to see a counselor for feeling that way..
2. Why can't you just move on..
3. All the other comments that go along perfectly with this..

People here have stated through out the posts that they have seen their counselors. Personally the BEST one that helped me SO much was the post of taking someone that you trust to see first. That gave me SO SO much peace.

No I am not crazy and I don't need to be "urged" to see a counselor for my feelings.



JacklessSally

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #25 on: April 16, 2015, 09:18:38 AM »

Personally the BEST one that helped me SO much was the post of taking someone that you trust to see first. That gave me SO SO much peace.


That was going to be my plan if they would let us have/see them. Let my cousin look first and let me know if it was ok for me to look at them, or even to just give me the "...it is him". Would be more than I have now, the constant wondering if maybe they got it wrong and he is still out there and can not come home for whatever reason. I just HAVE to know.

I carry around a copy of the police report with me everywhere I go. I have photos from the accident that were taken by a first responder group, I have photos of his car from the wrecking yard.. Call me a collector, call me insane, I don't really care. Everyone's journey is different and their coping techniques are different as well. Hell if I could dig him up and check to see if it is him, I would!
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

Lisa

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #26 on: April 16, 2015, 01:48:01 PM »
Im not judging you at all. People who actually see their loved one die can still have trouble accepting. It is a process. Im trying to give you other avenues for working through it. In your own time obviously . I apoligze for coming off insensitive and wish you well .
« Last Edit: April 16, 2015, 01:57:09 PM by LisaPop »
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

Carey

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Re: Requesting Medical Examiner's Photos
« Reply #27 on: April 17, 2015, 09:19:11 AM »
I was able to suggest having someone you trust look first only because I experienced it. My trauma wasn't pictures but was his actual body after he had been dead 6 weeks. My brother and sister went in first. And I had a dear friend on standby to go home with me.  I couldn't NOT look. Really there was just no way I was walking out of that funeral home without touching Chad. Its a touchy thing, a lot of people just cant understand why someone would "intentionally do that to themselves".  Even to other widows sometimes it's hard to communicate why that desperate need is there. Not everyone's loss happened the same way and some special circumstances/tragedies just defy logic. Our brains cant compute.  I'm one that would have insisted on photos and I'm sure everyone would say how crazy I was, I just cant explain the why.  Yes it hurt like HELL to see him like that, but then again I got at least a couple answers to the hundreds I will never have.  I'm sure Lisa didn't intend any harm at all, she just expressed concern.  No one here would intentionally hurt one of our own.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
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