Author Topic: Reaching out after a fading relationship  (Read 795 times)

nextchapter

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Reaching out after a fading relationship
« on: December 17, 2017, 02:43:51 PM »
Trying to see if I am the only one that has done this. Early on (probably too early), met someone who I had a lot in common with. She was the first person I dated. It seemed like in my mind, I would find fault with little things she did. In my mind, I would make a big deal out of them. Now that I have healed a little more, in retrospect, I was the problem. I think I was over analyzing and looking for things to make the relationship fail. I honestly believe I drove her away by being distant at times and not including her in some of my plans. I know I was probably more of the reason our relationship ended than she was. I know I was I really did not give her a fair chance.

I just was not really ready yet. Has anyone ever felt like this and more importantly have you ever opened up communications after a relationship has ended. Thought about reaching out to her, if nothing else comes of it at least she will know I was the problem and was not ready for a full-fledged relationship yet. Anyone ever face something like this? How did you handle it?



Leadfeather

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2017, 06:23:59 AM »
I have not experienced that but my advice is to contact her again. The worse that happens is you apologize, it does not work out, and you both move forward. The best that happens is the two of you build a relationship that lasts. Either way you are better off than you are at this point.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Mizpah

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2017, 08:42:57 AM »
I think it would be lovely for you to reach out, if only to give her the comfort of knowing that whatever rejection(s) she may have felt were not about her.  It's a kind thing to do, and hey you never know, maybe she'll give you another chance. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Captains wife

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2017, 02:57:18 PM »
Were you dating a fair amount of time ? If so, it wouldn't hurt reaching out although you may want to establish contact first (with a hello) before sharing these thoughts. She may really appreciate hearing it, even if you don't re-kindle the relationship. And hey - finding someone you want to date in this world is TOUGH enough so if there was something there for both of you, it is worth trying. Impressed with the self-reflection.....

kjs1989

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2017, 08:46:56 PM »
I say reach out to her honestly. Acknowledge that you were a putz. Just don't be like..."Hey, Babe...remember me?"

If you reconnect, take it really slow, but in a thoughtful conscientious way. She will not want to be burned twice. I have found that a couple of the people I dated early on were not a love match, but they have made for excellent friends. 

It's worth a try.

RobFTC

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2017, 11:32:16 PM »
After I had a relationship end last year, I got together with a couple of women I had dated the year before and had a talk with them about it.  I told them some of what I had been learning about myself and relationships, and they gave me an idea about what they had perceived at the time.  It was helpful and positive.  I remain friendly with them but not close.  It was helpful to be able to learn a couple of things and have some of my theories about what had gone on confirmed, and I was glad they were gracious enough to do that.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

nextchapter

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2017, 12:03:34 PM »
Going to reach out on Thursday. If it goes well will tell her we will talk after Christmas. The last thing I want to do is to cause her any discomfort. Worst case is she will know I was the problem, not her.

faye

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2018, 04:06:01 PM »
It's rare that I'd reach out. I met some nice men dating, but most of them were not looking for female friends. They wanted a romantic partner.  I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be interested in maintaining contact.  There is one person I dated who I stay in casual contact with. We text each other now and then.

Sugarbell

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2018, 08:40:49 PM »
Uh no.

Not sure how long it’s been..but I think that would kinda mess with her head. At least for me..when it’s done it’s done. Think it would be kinder to just let her move on..outta sight outta mind. But that’s just me.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

nextchapter

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Re: Reaching out after a fading relationship
« Reply #9 on: January 12, 2018, 02:00:35 PM »
 I think some misunderstood what I was saying. I basically ran her off because I would really wasn’t ready to be dating anybody at that time. I took some time away from dating to sort things out to make sure I was ready for a relationship. Before when I saw her  I really just wasn’t ready. I was trying to fill the lonely void in my life. I was still resentful about my own situation, for that reason I would constantly find fault with her in my mind. The truth is anybody would be lucky to have her.

My contacting her was Twofold one to let her know I was a jerk and then I had my own issues to sort out. None of that was her fault it was mine. Two, I was reaching out to see where she was relationship wise.  I have been out with a couple different women since our relationship, just don’t see it going anywhere with them. She has great quality and great character,  before it was just too early on my journey to appreciate her. We are going out sometime next week.

Thanks for all the comments.