Time Frame > Beyond Active Grieving

Almost 6 years, and still falling down the Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole.

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candace0902:
Edited for clarity. 

Cliff note summary; I joined a site and began corresponding and then talking on the phone.  I made it clear at this point I was only looking for friendship and companionship; a casual relationship.  If more developed afterward, all the better.

We were talking on the phone and somehow got on the topic of intimacy.  He insisted their cannot be "total intimacy" until it became sexual.  I disagreed and said there were many ways to be intimate with someone other than sex. No matter what I said he would respond with  sexual innuendo.

Is that how dating is these days?  No getting to know each other, listening to the other persons stories to understand why they are like they are today? I'm just not the FWB type; is that the norm now?
 
Can anyone who is now involve in a relationship discuss how it began?  Its embarrassing to be so clueless this late in the game.

 :-[

Julester3:
Just want to offer a hug. Holidays are already hard enough and it seems you have a lot of holiday memories stirring up and triggering.

Yeah, I think dating at our age brings out those who just want sex and those who don't even know what they want. There is a reason they aren't attached or married at this point. I am beginning to think all the good ones are taken or they are still looking for a woman who looks like Cindy Crawford - a model who looks crazy fantastic at 50+. I too had that intimacy argument with a guy once. I totally agree with you that there are different ways to achieve intimacy that aren't sexual in nature. I am not having much luck however I'm not putting forth my best effort (I admit it) and I've only dabbled in dating for 7 months on and off.

So breathe, take things slow if need be! And one more hug!

BrokenHeart2:
Hi Candace I'm sorry to hear you are having such a struggle.  Christmas sure is a trigger and it certainly is for me.  I have a feeling I know why you came back..... because we get it.  I call all the wids here my pillows, it's my soft place to fall.
Hugs

candace0902:
Thanks Jules and BK.  As soon as I logged on and started reading it was like finding that one long lost friend who really gets you.  I had forgotten that you are never alone and I miss the closeness and insight that is always offered.

Portside:

--- Quote from: candace0902 on December 18, 2017, 09:21:18 PM ---
Is that how dating is these days?  No getting to know each other, listening to the other persons stories to understand why they are like they are today? I'm just not the FWB type; is that the norm now?
 
Can anyone who is now involve in a relationship discuss how it began?  Its embarrassing to be so clueless this late in the game.


--- End quote ---

Ans to your Qs in order:

No.
No.
Definitely not.

There certainly are some knuckleheads out there and if you are on a site, they will find you. But no, you don't have to give up the goods quickly to get a decent guy. Just be yourself, for as long as it takes.

Personally, I think FWB is about the worst path to creating a long-term intimate relationship. The cards are stacked in the guys favor and, contrary to some folk's opinion, the woman will be hurt, eventually, 9/10ths of the time. Yeah yeah, I know, some work out. But not most and not many.

I am no longer dating but when I was, we just simply went out alot and talked about everything under the sun. Most things we were in agreement with but not all. But once we discussed the big items through (kids, money, faith, family, life plans, etc.) we each knew we found our next mate. We were not intimate until we had decided that we were going to be a long term pair.

That's just us. You may find a different path that works better.

Weigh the advice you get from everyone (even me!) carefully. I tend to listen more carefully to folks that have been successful in whatever it is I'm trying to do. They aren't always the ones that speak the loudest or most often. :)

Best wishes and good luck - Mike

p.s. - don't be embarrassed by not know how to approach this - it's a whole new ballgame that few of us were prepared for.

 

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