Socializing > Relationships/Remarriage

Holidays and Mixing and Matching...

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A few of late dh's family have met my fiance, but he never goes to their place with us. We've been together for 3 years and getting married in May.

They always let me  know he is invited, but he doesn't feel comfortable with it, esp. because we have to stay over since it's a 3 hour drive. I doubt if he will ever go, even after we are married. But I'm fine with it. I get how he feels.

We don't go to late DH's families anymore for Christmas. It's usually just weekend after Thanksgiving and Memorial day weekend, so it doesn't feel quite as much like missing important time together.


--- Quote from: markb74 on December 20, 2017, 10:26:14 AM ---I have a son, and its not fair to them to not see him since they ARE blood related, and not fair to keep him from seeing them. he will be turning 8 soon.
--- End quote ---

I agree completely. I would prefer to draw back from my late wife's family but it wouldn't be fair to them or to my children. I cannot fathom not making an effort to let my kids see their grandparents, and vice versa.

daysofelijah I had to smile at your staying over because it is three hours away; in Southern California, a one-way drive of three hours is not unusual :) I once got stuck on the highway on my way home from work due to an accident and it took me over six hours to get home ... {{shudder}}

Do they know you're seeing someone?  Can you talk to them about it?   

Do your ILs know? I was scared to tell mine, but they were all very supportive. And we are now so integrated it's almost weird. So, BF, DD and I will spend Christmas Eve at his Dad's, Christmas Day at his mom's, then the day after Christmas we're driving to my home state to spend time with my ILs. My BIL lives not too far from me but SIL lives across the country so they're all meeting at the family home.

I had a very rocky relationship off and on with DH's parents for a long time. But things have smoothed over. I think some of it has to do with the effort they've made with my BF, some with my FIL's passing, and of course just time. DH's whole family invites my BF to everything; in fact he's basically expected. My BF is completely understanding about my feelings for Dan and my relationship with them. I have a good relationship with BF's family, it's not like there's a competition. I understand why NGs might be uncomfortable, but i would feel weird about a big part of someone's life being sectioned off from him.

We have things kind of nicely scheduled for the second year. I'm sure my MIL would rather we be there on Christmas Eve but I just can't. Too painful. So it wouldn't happen even if i didn't have plans with BF's families.


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