Author Topic: It's gonna suck  (Read 407 times)


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It's gonna suck
« on: January 07, 2018, 12:35:12 AM »
To all the new wids. I'm sorry you are here. I'm sorry this is your life now. I wish I could hug you as hard as I can. This sucks and it's not fair.

I am 1.5 years out from my own shit storm. I have learned so much. I appreciate so much more. Despite this wisdom I would still trade it all for him. What I did appreciate through all of  this is wids on here and around me that helped me through with their advice and support. So I'm hoping I can help too now.

To the newly widowed. You will feel like you're going crazy And it will be completely normal. You are not insane. You are surviving insanity.

You might feel really sad. You might feel really angry. You might feel both at the same time or you might not feel anything at all. And believe it or not you are completely normal.

You will forget to do s*** that you normally do. Basic function will not be normal function for you for a while. And believe it or not you are completely normal.

People are going to say stuff to you that makes you feel like you're doing things wrong. People are going to say things that make you feel like you're defective or not healing properly. But believe it or not you're completely normal.

You might be one of the widows that chooses to drink kale smoothies and Jog everyday. You might be one of the Widow's that chooses to eat chocolate and binge on Netflix. But believe it or not you are completely normal.

Your skin has been ripped off. You are vulnerable and unfortunately some people are going to take advantage of that. But what you need to understand is there is no right way to do this. And you've got to do whatever the hell you need to do to survive. And eventually your skin will grow back and you will learn what works for you. But you gotta put the time in. Whatever your time might be. You have got to put in the crazy. You got to put in the work. But if you give it time and you really try you can come out the other side. And you will still love the person that you were married to. They will be in your heart and you will cherish them. But they will rest in a different place and it is not something that can be truly explained until that place has been rested in yourself. But it's completely normal. And it will be your own individual place for them to rest. And then you will find your life. Whatever that may be but it will be different. It may not be the life you ask for but if you put in the work you can find a way. I know I'm posting in the area that's early days. And maybe you're not ready to hear this stuff. But I figure I heard a lot of stuff I wasn't ready to hear in the first 6 months and yet I know it helped me. So even if this message helps one person I'll be happy... but remember... You are normal. You are a beautiful hurting person that has lost a love and the consequence of that love is this pain. Take the time. Love yourself. And do what works for you.

« Last Edit: January 07, 2018, 08:55:22 PM by KrypticKat »


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  • Widowed 2013
Re: It's gonna suck
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2018, 04:33:31 AM »
Well said KK!!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: It's gonna suck
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2018, 09:27:38 AM »
Thank you for this. It is beautifully said. I wish I could copy some of and put it on my Facebook page since some think because they have lost someone they loved dearly like a close friend, a sibling or parent they understand what it means to lose your soulmate, or the other half of you. While that does hurt because I have been thru all 3, nothing compared to soul tearing hurt of losing Minh.
Minh's Sweetie